According to a Tumblr user, you can summon a dad when you:
- Make a circle out of power tools (screwdrivers and wrenches will do in a pinch)
- Place a pair of socks inside sandals in the middle of the circle
- Chant “Hi Hungry, I’m dad” over and over
- Touch the thermostat
Those who dare to dabble in the occult would probably not venture into the murky waters of the dark arts to summon a dad. And yet, according to Google Trends, people searched the phrase “how to summon a dad” over 1000 times since October 2015. It would seem that some people are urgently looking to summon a dad.
Though the instructions set out in count-sudoku’s post follow accepted summoning guidelines, there is little evidence to be found online that they are indeed effective. Variations exist, like replacing the circle with a pentagram or holding hands with your siblings while doing the chant, proving that some people have adjusted the ritual to fit their purposes, but questions remain.
Related Reading: How To Meet My Dead Father
What Are the Requirements for Summoning?
Across various online guides, encyclopedias and fandoms, there are specific standard key components for summoning and conjuration that are almost always required. It is only logical that these components must be present when attempting to summon a dad as well. The most common of these factors are:
1. A Power Circle for Summoning a Dad
You can draw a power circle using different substances, like paint, wax, dust, or ash. These circles often contain a triangle, pentagram, or hexagram, with candles or other objects at the corners. The power circle provides a safe barrier to control the summoned being while also protecting the summoner.
Our instructions for summoning a dad indeed include a power circle; though screwdrivers and wrenches will do in a pinch, the circle should preferably consist of power tools. That alone should indicate without a doubt that our circle is indeed a power circle.
2. Objects of Association to Summon a Dad
The summoned being should see, hear or smell something that they closely associate with. These objects are meant to be a catalyst to draw them into the presence of the summoner.
Depending on the type of being, this can sometimes be a particular type of music or rhythm, scented candles, incense, or some symbol that they relate to.
For our dad-summoning ritual, we have several of these Objects of Association:
- The tools or power tools that you used to make the power circle
- The socks inside the sandals, quite a standard feature found on dads all around the world
- The thermostat, also well known to be one of the objects that dads hold dear
Any one of these objects should be enough for the dad you are summoning to associate with. Having all three present at the same time will surely guarantee success!
3. Chanting to Summon a Dad
Chanting is one of the essential components of any summoning ritual. The words of the chant should be something that the summoned being can relate to, something that they understand and that compels them to listen and come towards the sound. Not only that, but chanting adds a feeling of eeriness, creates an atmosphere of solemnity, and makes the whole ritual legit.
The words of a chant are usually in Latin since Latin is the official liturgical language of the Roman Catholic church, and most summoning rituals are based on, though often contrary to, Catholic tradition.
With this in mind, summoning a dad with a Latin chant would be highly ineffective. Matrimony and fatherhood among the church leadership of the Catholic Church are generally frowned upon. Since the church is the biggest group of people still actively using Latin, we can conclude that Latin and being a dad does not go hand in hand.
So What Would You Chant if You Wanted to Summon a Dad?
With dad jokes being one of the most common features among dads and “Hi Hungry, I’m Dad” being one of the most common dad jokes; it makes sense that chanting this phrase would work. But many other possible words might also be helpful, including:
“This is my stepladder… I never knew my real ladder.”
“Sore throats can be such a pain in the neck.”
“Mountains aren’t just funny, they’re hill areas.”
Is Sacrifice Needed to Summon a Dad?
Any good summoning ritual needs a sacrifice. People have offered sacrifices to powerful supernatural beings for as long as humanity has existed. Sacrifice shows that you are serious; it is proof of your commitment and conveys a message of sincerity.
The type of sacrifice can range from some produce, product, or profit, like grain, meat, fruit, or even money, to something more personal, like a drop of blood. Most people agree that a more excellent sacrifice is required to summon a more powerful being.
To summon a being as powerful as a dad, your sacrifice must be exceptional. What sacrifice could be more significant than offering your safety? Touching the thermostat sacrifices any illusion of safety and comfort you had.
Dads react violently to people touching the thermostat because even slight changes to the temperature lead to immense increases in costs and wear and tear. According to Quora user Vainamoinen Leisti, people have been beaten or wholly disappeared after touching the thermostat.
Touching the thermostat is probably the most effective sacrifice a hopeful summoner could make, even though there is enormous personal risk involved. So the biggest question is, are you willing to take that chance? Are you indeed that desperate to summon a dad? That would depend on your reasons for summoning him in the first place.
Why Would You Want to Summon a Dad?
If you wish to summon a dad, it should be safe to assume that you don’t have a dad readily available. No disrespect to moms, but there are occasions where a dad would be helpful. Some of the times when you may want to summon a dad are:
- When your dad went out to buy milk, it’s been a few years, and you’re starting to get worried.
- When you are not 100% sure which setting on the thermostat is ideal.
- Maybe you’re in a situation where you can’t remember what’s brown and sticky, and you need a dad to remind you that it’s a stick.
- Since the word “summon” can have many different meanings, perhaps you will one day find yourself in the position where you are about to become a father. Being a father is easy; being a dad takes commitment, effort, and passion, and you must summon the character of a true dad from deep inside of you.
If your reason for summoning a dad happens to be the last one on the list, no summoning ritual is necessary. But it will require the same level of passion, commitment, and sacrifice, if not more!
Related Reading: Differences Between Father Time & The Grim Reaper
Conclusion
Though evidence that any guide on summoning a dad works is severely lacking, in theory, it should. It meets all the necessary basic requirements for a summoning ritual, and there are alternatives available. Assuming that dads can be summoned, the guide posted on Tumblr by count-sudoku is as good as any method that you can find online.