Wondering if the “The Love Dare” can still work if you are separated? “The Love Dare” can work as an attempt to save your marriage, even if you are separated. You can undertake the challenges outlined in the book as a couple or individually. Over forty days, the book will challenge you to participate in ‘dares’ that will teach you how to adopt a new perspective on your marriage.
“The Love Dare,” written by Stephen and Alex Kendrick, is a book about marriage and how to salvage your relationship through a forty-day devotional challenge.
Although the book has been marketed for couples that are still together and merely contemplating separation or divorce, many couples may be left wondering if “The Love Dare” works if you are already separated. The answer is yes, but only under the right circumstances.
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Is “The Love Dare” Only for Failing Marriages?
“The Love Dare” has become a common relationship tool in Christian marriages, both for failing and relatively healthy relationships. Although many couples turn to the book as a way to rebuild their marriage, you can also use “The Love Dare” as a way to strengthen the bond you and your partner already have.
In any case, what constitutes a failing marriage? For some couples, their marriage may be in jeopardy as they try to persevere through life’s challenges without focusing on the nucleus of their relationship: their bond. But, for others, it may not be this simple.
If you’re already separated or on the brink of divorce, doing “The Love Dare” may seem like a wasted effort. This way of thinking couldn’t be further from the truth.
“The Love Dare” was created to bring broken couples back together by strengthening their faith and mending the bond that a wife and husband should ideally share in a Christian marriage.
Although you may be living separately from your spouse, “The Love Dare” can help to rekindle your marriage through a series of steps and challenges undertaken over forty days. While you can both undertake this challenge as a couple, you can also try it individually to refocus your perspective as a husband or wife.
Using “The Love Dare” as a relationship tool isn’t foolproof; however, the reward that you reap will be a direct reflection of the number of seeds you sow or the amount of effort that you put into making your relationship work.
No matter what form it takes, relationship counseling is never a surefire way to save a marriage. But if you go into the challenges with the desire to make your marriage work and the willpower to see it through, you likely have a better chance at mending your relationship than if you were to simply do nothing.
If your spouse isn’t open to trying the forty-day love challenge that “The Love Dare” sets out, you don’t need to lose hope. Instead, you can undertake the dares on your own.
By going through the steps of the book on your own, you can make incredible changes to your marriage on your end by changing how you act and speak to your partner. And, once your partner notices the change and effort you put in, they will likely respond in kind.
It is difficult to respond negatively to someone who is treating you with love and respect and, odds are, your partner will follow suit once you begin to undertake the daily dares outlined in the book.
If you are going to do “The Love Dare” by yourself, you don’t have to announce it to your partner, either. By following the steps, your actions will begin to speak louder than your words. Telling your partner that you are doing the dares may seem manipulative and could do more harm than good to your relationship.
How to Do “The Love Dare” if You Are Separated
Separation can be difficult to navigate and can make interacting with your spouse much more difficult. How, then, can you undertake this forty-day challenge without having your spouse close by?
Firstly, you will need to think about whether you and your partner are going to undertake the challenge together. Although it is best when both partners are working together, as discussed you can do “The Love Dare” on your own, as well.
If you and your spouse have decided to embark on this journey as a couple, you will both need to set time aside in your day to do the dares. You can either decide on a time to meet every day to do the dares or do them separately and discuss your progress with your partner afterward.
During days nineteen to twenty-one of the challenge, the book encourages you to reflect on the dares that you have already completed. These days, you can come together with your partner and talk about your individual experiences.
If you decide to do “The Love Dare” together, it’s important to remember that you should both be entering into the challenge with the desire to transform and repair your relationship. Your spouse should never feel forced or manipulated into participating.
Suppose your spouse shows no interest in participating in the challenges and dares that the book has set out. In that case, you can do them on your own as a way to reflect on your marriage and work on the aspects of your relationship that you have the power to change.
Many of the dares don’t require you to have physical contact with your partner. The dares range from demonstrating patience by not saying negative things about your partner to practicing gratefulness by writing down what you love about your partner or any positive traits they have or that you admire and praising them for it.
You can complete these dares by phoning or emailing your partner with positive affirmations or simply by writing them down and completing the dare when you can.
Over time, both you and your spouse (if they are participating) will begin to see a shift in your perspectives of each other and your marriage.
Who Shouldn’t Do “The Love Dare”?
Although “The Love Dare” may seem like a fantastic way to mend a failing or broken marriage, it is not something that you should enter into lightly.
By challenging yourself to work on your marriage, your focus should be on your partner and not on yourself. If you are doing “The Love Dare” as a way to prove to your spouse how much you love them or as a way to receive praise from your partner, then you may not be going into the challenge with the right intentions.
Similarly, this relationship tool can do more harm than good if you’re using it to try and rebuild a relationship with an abusive partner.
If your marriage is ending due to abusive circumstances, you may be giving your abuser more power by trying to convince them to stay. Additionally, your abuser may use this as an excuse to gain control and as a way to prove that they did everything to make your marriage work.
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If your marriage is failing, if you are separated, or even if you are simply trying to strengthen the bond between yourself and your spouse; “The Love Dare” can help you to rebuild your relationship. You can make your relationship stronger by doing a series of steps over a forty-day period.
Before you start this relationship challenge, you’ll need to think about the reasons that you want to salvage your marriage and make sure that your intentions and goals are to better your relationship, rather than selfish or unhealthy reasons.
Continue Reading: Will My Husband Miss Me After Divorce? [IT DEPENDS]
After earning his Master of Social Work from the University of Toronto, Stuart gained experience working with families in community mental health settings and in the child protection sector. Since becoming a father himself, Stuart now works in private practice offering psychotherapy services. FatherResource is an opportunity for Stuart to share what he learns on his journey as a father with a larger audience.