My Partner Went Through My Phone

Our phones are electronic extensions of ourselves, a digital diary that registers our thoughts, feelings, and social history. Many people have no issue sharing the contents of their phones freely, while others have a major problem when a partner goes through their phone without permission. How do you handle the “my partner went through my phone” situation?

Some partners do not have an issue when their partners go through their phones, whereas others see it as an act of disrespect and a violation of trust. The act of snooping through your partner’s phone can cause irreversible damage to the relationship, which may result in the termination of the union.

People are curious creatures, and men and women snoop on their partner’s phones to look for signs of infidelity and any trace of betrayal. Sometimes asking a partner straight-out if they’re lying in another bed isn’t enough. Nothing gives you the right to go through your partner’s phone, even if your suspicions are correct.

Boyfriend in bed snooping and going through partners phone secretly

A Partner Going Through Your Phone Is A Trust Violation

Ideally, a healthy relationship should be built on trust and mutual respect. Without these two elements, a relationship is doomed no matter the amount of love between two people, as a broken bridge is hard to rebuild.

When a partner snoops and goes through their significant other’s phone, it creates an instant trust and respect of privacy issue for most individuals. It’s a sign that your partner, irrespective of the motive behind the snooping, doesn’t trust you or respect your right to privacy.

A snooping partner will always find “incriminating” evidence on the phone. Any online interaction can be viewed as “evidence” when viewed with a suspicious mind.

From frequently “liking” a certain person’s social media posts or a direct message taken out of context, any interaction can be seen as problematic from the viewpoint of a jealous or distrusting lover.

Calls made and received can create hot discussion topics as there’s only evidence of a call and not the content of the discussion.

The fact that your partner is risking violating the established trust of the relationship by going through your phone like a semi-professional private detective could be a sign of the following:

  • Your partner doesn’t trust you and believes you are either cheating or in the process of cheating in some way or form.
  • Your partner doesn’t respect your privacy enough to talk to you directly about their fears and suspicions of betrayal.
  • Your partner has been cheated on in the past.
  • Your partner is projecting their insecurities onto you because they’re either physically or emotionally cheating.
  • Your partner is not feeling worthy of your love, so it requires some ammunition to blame you for feeling inadequate and not measuring up to your expectations.
  • Your partner feels insecure in the relationship due to certain behavior from your side and believes that by snooping, he or she will find confirmation of why you act a certain way.
  • Your partner is all about control and will try to dominate the relationship by using whatever they found on your phone as weapons in future fights.
  • Your partner lacks emotional maturity in approaching the situation using positive communication skills.
  • Your partner is secretly fantasizing that you’re hiding something from them, with thoughts bordering on obsession, and the need to snoop has become uncontrollable.

How To Confront Your Partner Who Went Through Your Phone

The best way to deal with a partner who went through your phone is through confrontation. That’s to say if you haven’t been bombarded with an aggressive attack first.

Whoever confronts who first, it’s vitally important to keep calm, as these scenarios can quickly turn into a full-on shouting match involving the slinging of words and accusations, damaging the relationship irreparably.

Confrontation often leads to direct answers. And in a situation where trust is broken or lacking, it’s best to get down to the truth of the matter. Asking your partner calmly and respectfully why he or she went through your phone in step 1.

The resulting steps will depend on the response and relationship dynamic. Your partner must be honest about the reason, and you, in return, must be honest when dealing with insecurities, jealousy, and other possible reasons for going through your phone.

Listen to the answer your partner gives you. Whether the fears are valid or not, if the fear and suspicions are unjustified, you can make them feel at ease by being open and honest and assuring them of your loyalty.

Understanding the “why” is important, as you can only work with the reason behind the snooping; for example, your partner thinks you’re having an affair with a co-worker or secretly on Only Fans.

The choice to forgive is easier for both sides when the truth is out in the open, and it gives the relationship a chance to heal and work on the issues which have now become apparent.

Wife showing husband pictures of potential woman to her husband, because she wants him to sleep with another woman

Going Through Your Partner’s Phone

Some people would go on to suggest you ask for permission to go through your partner’s phone. Should you go this route, the response to the request, regardless of whether you intend to physically go through their phone, should clearly indicate where the relationship is heading.

A snooping partner that declines to give you the same access to their phones as they took upon themselves is a hypocrite, and it’s safe to assume that he or she is hiding something, forever altering the trust factor in the relationship.

Here’s the catch twenty-two: if you scroll through your partner’s phone, you’re no better than him or her, and you might see something you didn’t want to see in the first place. Talk about opening up a can of unwanted worms.

Suppose the snooping partner finds concrete evidence of infidelity. In that case, the picture changes completely, and you need to try and save the relationship by putting in the time and effort to save a sinking ship. That is if you want to.

Nobody deserves to be cheated on, so if you are hiding some infidelity, it may be best to end the relationship and move on with your life.

How Common Is Phone Snooping?

According to a poll done by Whistleout, phone snooping isn’t as uncommon as you might believe. Here are some interesting stats that came out in a recent poll:

The percentage of people polled who feels that snooping is OK:

  • 48% of women.
  • 31% of men.
  • 50% indicated that they have snooped through their partner’s phone.

The percentage of people who indicated that they would go through their partner’s phone if they suspected infidelity or inappropriate behavior:

  •  34% of the people polled.

The result of snooping on a partner’s phone:

  • 38% got into huge arguments.
  • 24% got into a minor fight.
  • 7% ended the relationship.


Trust and respect are non-negotiable in any relationship worth having. If you want to look through your partner’s phone because you suspect infidelity or behavior that borders on betrayal, ask them directly. Going through a partner’s phone is a violation of trust and a sign that you don’t respect their privacy.

When a partner finds out about the snooping, the reaction can range from “oh it’s nothing” to “I want to break up,” and everything in between. If you want to risk hurting your relationship, snoop ahead, but remember you’re not supposed to find what you find, and it will hurt when you do.

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