In a perfect world, a mother is a nurturer, a kind, and loving soul that you can turn to whenever the need arises. Consoling you when you’re sad, a mother is someone you can safely share your feelings and emotions with. But why does my mom get mad when I cry?
A mother that consistently gets mad when her child starts to cry instead of helping to process feelings and provide comfort can be a sign of emotional immaturity or point to a person struggling with intergenerational trauma. A narcissistic mother will struggle to show empathy to a crying child.
The important thing to remember when you cry and your mother gets overly mad at you for showing emotion, it’s not your fault. If you cry because you’ve been caught out doing something bad, such as skipping school, don’t expect a shoulder to cry on, as it’s also a mother’s duty to raise responsible, well-rounded human beings.
Why Does My Mom Get Mad When I Cry?
The ability to cry and show emotions doesn’t come naturally to everyone, even though all humans are fitted with crying ducts to facilitate the process. Many adults feel uncomfortable when crying and even more so when people around them turn on the emotional waterworks.
Crying is a healthy method to express and deal with heavy emotions. Parents should be there to comfort and help children process emotions that end in tears. Unfortunately, not all parents are equipped to deal with a child who cries and often gets mad.
A crying child is normal, whereas a parent who struggles to nurture and guide a crying child can be seen as abnormal when always getting angry.
Your mother was once a child herself, and the circumstances and type of household she grew up in shaped her as an adult and mother.
If crying was seen as a sign of weakness and addressed with anger and hostility, then the act of crying can trigger the same reaction she experienced in childhood, with the difference being the crying child has now morphed into the angry mother.
It’s normal for mothers to get a little angry when a child cries after being caught catching on nonsense, such as cheating in school, starting a sibling fight, or painting the living room walls with her expensive lipstick.
Public tantrums which involve crying are a surefire way to get a stressed-out mom a little hot under the collar. Regarding sibling fights, where one child bullies the other and makes them cry, “Mamma Bear” can and will sometimes lose her cool, as being protective is an instinct.
However, a mother that gets mad every time a child cries isn’t normal and can be indicative of underlying issues such as the following:
- Mother suffers from intergenerational trauma
- Mother is emotionally immature
- Mother suffers from a personality disorder
- Mother is emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained
Your Mother Is Emotionally Immature
Emotional immaturity can be described as a person who struggles to handle serious emotions when they arise or when displayed by others.
An emotionally immature mother may have trouble controlling her emotions, such as anger, and often overreact to emotional and stressful situations, such as a crying child. Emotional immaturity is often linked to some form of abuse, typically encountered in a person’s formative years.
Emotionally immature mothers often struggle to communicate healthily and have difficulty forming deep connections with people. An emotionally immature person is often defensive and lives in a universe where he or she is the centerpiece.
Emotionally immature individuals will try not to face or encounter situations that are difficult to navigate on an emotional level, as they don’t like to put themselves in positions where they must think or feel what others are feeling.
A crying child can be seen as overly dramatic, attention-seeking, and an emotional encounter that is too much for the emotionally immature mom.
Your Mother Suffers From Intergenerational Trauma
Many mothers struggle with some form of intergenerational trauma, which the American Phycological Association describes as the following:
- “a phenomenon in which the descendants of a person who has experienced a terrifying event show adverse emotional and behavioral reactions to the event that are similar to those of the person himself or herself.”
- These reactions vary by generation but often include shame, increased anxiety, and guilt, a heightened sense of vulnerability and helplessness, low self-esteem, depression, suicidality, substance abuse, dissociation, hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, difficulty with relationships and attachment to others, difficulty in regulating aggression, and extreme reactivity to stress”.
If crying was seen as a weakness in her younger days, and she was scolded or reprimanded when doing so, she might get angry when a child cries, as she was never allowed to express and regulate her emotions healthily.
Your crying may trigger an experience, or a feeling, from her past. And even though she is a mother today, the same feelings of frustration, anger, and resentment may resurface and make her angry when you cry.
When old emotional wounds caused by mental or physical abuse are not properly healed and dealt with, they can resurface and affect how you connect with your child.
Most parents are adamant that they “won’t parent like my mother or father,” only to find that’s what they’re doing when taking stock of their parental style.
Your Mother Suffers From A Personality Disorder
The American Psychiatric Association estimates that 9% of Americans suffer from at least one personality disorder, with large numbers living undiagnosed with one or more personality disorders without being aware of them.
For example, a person suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder (emotional immaturity is considered a lesser form of narcissism) has trouble when they are not the center of attention or when empathy is required.
A mother suffering from an undiagnosed mental health disorder can be a big factor in why she gets mad when her children cry, an act considered healthy human behavior.
Your Mother Is Emotionally, Physically, And Spiritually Drained
Being a mother is hard work. Raising children, however fulfilling the experience may be, is the world’s hardest, most draining job. Most moms are always operating close to empty regarding their emotional, physical, and spiritual tanks.
Being a mom takes so much out of the individual over decades of nurturing, so when she gets angry when children cry, it can indicate that she needs help, isn’t coping, and is headed for a breakdown.
Getting angry is normal, but getting angry every time children cry isn’t and is a signal that mom requires some time off and therapeutic help.
A mother getting mad when you cry can result from many things, such as being emotionally immature, suffering from unresolved intergenerational trauma, or good be sitting with a mental health disorder.
She might be overwhelmed, struggling to cope, and not know how to ask for help.