If your husband constantly questions you, it may be because he feels he is more knowledgeable, sees himself as the head of the household, and should be the decision-maker, he doesn’t trust your judgment. Alternatively, he is trying to play devil’s advocate or thinks he is contributing to a discussion.
If your husband constantly questions you, it’s only natural for you to be feeling insecure and undervalued, as if he sees you as incapable of making sound decisions.
If you feel your husband is constantly questioning you, it may be valuable to understand potential reasons why he constantly questions you and explore ways that you can work on this situation.
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Potential Reasons Why Your Husband Questions You
Here are potential reasons why your husband questions you and suggestions on how to improve this situation.
1. Your Husband Believes He Is More Knowledgeable Than You
It is possible that your husband may think that he has more knowledge than you. This may be a general conclusion that he came to on his own or based on the opinions of his family, friends, and colleagues.
If he is more educated than you in terms of tertiary education, it may be that he values academic achievement and equates it with practical knowledge, therefore looking down on you because he is more qualified in an academic sense.
If you are a homemaker, society may have brainwashed him into thinking that homemakers do not have the intellectual capacity to make decisions and that being a homemaker requires very little knowledge.
Of course, this is not the truth. Being a homemaker is in no way connected to your intellectual capacity. Being a homemaker requires good time management skills, diligence, thoughtfulness, problem-solving skills, tenacity, conscientiousness, good money management skills, and fluid intelligence.
If you think that your husband constantly questions you based on his belief that you are intellectually inferior, it may be valuable to highlight the way in which you uniquely contribute to the function of your family unit.
You can do this by delegating a few tasks to him that you would usually do so that he can see the intricate effort that goes into everything you do.
2. Your Husband Views Himself As The Head Of The Household
If your husband appears to be the head of the household, it is likely that he considers himself to be the main decision-maker. This position may have arisen if you created the impression that your husband is the head of the household or simply because it was something instilled in him by his family and society as a whole.
It may be valuable to reiterate to him that you are his partner and that while he is the head of the household, you both fulfill equally important roles in the functioning of your family unit. By emphasizing the different roles the two of you fulfill, he will start to see the valuable contributions you make.
Once he begins to understand that while you bring different things to the table, he will soon start to trust your decision making in the things you are responsible for, as he will be focused on being diligent in the things he is responsible for to ensure you both fulfill your roles to the best of your ability.
3. Your Husband Does Not Trust Your Judgment
Your husband may constantly be questioning you because he does not trust your judgment. He may not trust your judgment based on societal norms that have created the impression that women do not possess the same level of intellect as men, and therefore cannot be trusted to make decisions on their own without men’s contributions.
Alternatively, it may be that he focuses on the negatives and pays more attention to the poor decisions you’ve made, as opposed to all the good decisions you’ve made. This negative approach may be the reason your husband questions you.
He may feel the need to question your decisions because he wants to prevent the outcomes of the past in the instances that you made poor decisions that negatively affected him or the family unit as a whole.
It might be difficult for you to get him to overcome this negative mindset. The best approach is to begin praising him for his wise decisions and be supportive of his actions. While this may sound counterproductive, in the long run, it will create a culture of praise and support in your marriage, which will encourage him to be more supportive of your actions and decisions.
4. Your Husband Questions You To Play Devil’s Advocate
Your husband may constantly be questioning you to play devil’s advocate. His intention may not be malicious. If he has grown up in an environment where his parents would question his decisions to expand his thinking, it may be that he thinks that by constantly questioning you, he is helping you to broaden your thinking and see things from various perspectives.
While he may be well-meaning, his constant questioning is possibly damaging your self-esteem. It will be valuable to inform him about how his questions affect you and encourage him to be more supportive in your decision-making skills so that you are able to trust yourself and will not second-guess your decisions.
5. Your Husband Sees His Questions As Contributions To A Discussion
Your husband may be well-meaning and view his constant questioning as meaningfully engaging in a decision-making process. It might be that he feels asking questions are a less aggressive way to convey his point of view, rather than giving direct instructions or forcing his opinion.
While this may be his approach to contributing to conversations, it has a negative impact on you which means it would be beneficial to address this issue with your husband. Explain your feelings to him and encourage him to take a more direct approach if he feels his contribution to a conversation will be valuable.
Explain that when he questions you, it makes you second-guess your opinions and decisions and makes you feel inferior and uncomfortable to express your views. With this understanding, your husband is likely to approach discussions in a more considerate manner, directly expressing his perspective on a matter without questioning your perspective.
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Your husband constantly questioning you is likely to cause you to feel inferior. This is particularly harmful to your self-esteem and may result in your second-guessing the decisions you make.
It is important that you work on the communication methods in your marriage to ensure that you treat one another in a supportive manner, conveying trust and belief in the other’s actions.
After earning his Master of Social Work from the University of Toronto, Stuart gained experience working with families in community mental health settings and in the child protection sector. Since becoming a father himself, Stuart now works in private practice offering psychotherapy services. FatherResource is an opportunity for Stuart to share what he learns on his journey as a father with a larger audience.