Having a bisexual husband can be difficult for the spouse. The spouse may feel angry, ashamed, or unhappy when discovering their husband is bisexual. Especially if this was not disclosed (or realized) before marriage. However, having a bisexual husband does not mean the marriage is doomed. The best course of action is to discuss your worries with your husband.
The topic of sexuality is not always easy to address, even though most people are more comfortable and accepting in present times. There has traditionally been some stigma surrounding bisexuality, making it challenging for some bisexual individuals to be open and happy in relationships. But what is it actually like to have a bisexual spouse, more specifically, a bisexual husband?
If you are reading this article, you are willing to learn more about bisexuality and determine if you can lead a happy marriage with your bisexual husband. Read on to learn how to communicate openly with your bisexual husband and learn to accept his sexuality. Throw those stigmas out the window and keep an open mind while skimming through this article.
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What Is It Like to Have a Bisexual Husband?
Doubting your bisexual husband’s faithfulness to you might be the first thought that pops up in your head when he announces he is bisexual. You will most likely experience moments of sadness or insecurity during your marriage, but there is nothing that a heartfelt conversation cannot fix. Just because your husband is attracted to both males and females does not mean he is any more likely to be unfaithful to you.
This is especially true if there has been no history of infidelity in your relationship. It simply means that he is open to experiences and relationships with both genders, not that he is going to seek out a new experience while in your marriage.
If this is something your husband has just realized or come to terms with about himself, and not something you knew about before you entered into the marriage, it can make things more challenging for both of you. The truth is that may be complicated to continue your relationship, mainly if you have never interacted with people from the LGBTQIA+ or if your stance on the community is conservative.
A conservative view of this topic can definitely lead to a messy divorce and a hurt individual you once called your better half. You can easily cope with and accept the situation if you are willing to learn about his sexual identity. Do not let this one part of his identity ruin a lifetime of happiness.
Visit a marriage counselor or speak with other couples who are happily married to a bisexual spouse. I recommend asking the questions you are curious about. You do not want to ask obviously offensive questions to upset him intentionally. However, make sure to have this conversation once you have calmed down.
How To Cope with My Husband “Coming Out” as Bisexual
Imagine that you and your spouse have been together for years, and somehow the topic of sexuality has never popped up. After all, you never gave it any thought, which is expected because you never questioned his sexual orientation.
If your husband suddenly “comes out of the closet,” you should follow the steps I outline below. Remember, it takes courage to discuss your sexuality openly, even with your spouse or those dear to you; however, it also may also put you in an uncomfortable position. Let us see how you can work through the process of your husband coming out as bisexual:
1. Relax and Try to Evaluate the Situation
From the moment your husband disclosed his bisexuality to you, you wondered how this would affect your marriage and if he would remain loyal to you. This revelation can make you feel betrayed by your bisexual spouse. You may feel angry and ashamed that he did not tell you sooner (even if you understand that this may be something he himself is only know coming to terms with).
It is easier said than done, but the best course of action is not to jump to conclusions or spew words that you will regret later. Take a breather and ask him to give you space to think.
2. Have A Heart-To-Heart Conversation with Him
Once you have cooled down and are ready to address the newfound information you discovered, sit down and have a long conversation to clear the air. If you ignore him, it will only worsen matters, and we all know that communication is vital in a marriage!
Avoid using hurtful words to make him feel wrong about his sexual identity. Especially if this is something he just discovered or came to terms with, it may still be hard to talk about. Even if he has always known but was just afraid to discuss it, he is still the man you love and you cannot change him. Instead, talk about your worries and insecurities regarding his bisexuality and try to see things from his perspective.
There are many myths about bisexuality that may have caused your husband to postpone his confession all these years. He may have been afraid of rejection from a straight relationship, especially if you hold more traditional views on sexuality. It is only natural to feel lied to if this is your situation, but couples counselling would be a very healthy next step.
As mentioned, sometimes your husband has only recently realized that he is bisexual and may have been confused about this part of himself for many years. If this is the case, you need to determine what he wants out of your relationship and whether this discovery means he wants to explore or experiment with a same-sex partner. That is a very different disclosure than just sharing that he is attracted to the same-sex and would be the start of a very different conversation regarding the future of the relationship.
3. Let Go of the Stigma Surrounding Bisexuality
Admitting you are bisexual does not mean admitting you are a cheater or plan to cheat! One of the most common stigmas surrounding bisexuality is that bisexuals are cheaters or more promiscuous than gay or straight individuals. Making assumptions like this can hurt your marriage, especially if this is one of the reasons why your husband struggled to announce his sexual identity to his family, friends, and spouse.
Simply telling you he is bisexual does not change his personality. He is still the same man you love and care for. Hopefully he will be willing to answer all your (tactfully worded) questions no matter how uncomfortable it may make him feel, but do not ask questions or talk to him to hurt his feelings and make him feel guilty.
How to Accept Your Bisexual Husband
When you have figured out your and your husband’s differences, it is time to move on to the next step. You must learn to accept your bisexual husband if you want to stay in a loving marriage. He is vulnerable at this stage, so initiating any sign of acceptance will make him happy. Here is how you can move forward and accept your husband’s sexual identity:
Attempt To Understand Each Other
Both of you need to understand that you cannot change one another. Therefore, the road to happiness starts with acceptance and understanding. Only this way will you have a successful marriage without feeling that you are not good enough for your bisexual husband or that he will cheat on you.
He will also feel better because he does not have to hide that part of him anymore.
Try to Understand His Point of View
Sexuality is a spectrum, and it can be complex. Thus, it is difficult to face and deal with your sexual orientation. You need to understand that your husband had to gather a lot of courage to tell you. Besides that, he may have faced numerous hateful situations from his peers, family, and friends.
Suppose you were in his position and had to come out to loved ones and your spouse without knowing how they will react. It is pretty scary and it is understandable that he has delayed this conversation from fear.
Communicate With Your Husband
Talk about bisexuality and ask him anything you are curious about. Doing so in an open and non-judgmental manner will show that you only want to learn and understand him better. He knows that the news shocked you and caused some insecurities on your side, so your husband should definitely help you and provide you with as much information as possible.
Do Not Get Your Children Involved
Do not speak badly of your husband to your children. Whether they are young or old, your husband is still their father, and it does not change his personality or the way he treats his children.
Ask him if he would want to tell your kids in the near future and support him with his decision. Avoid spewing out his sexuality to your children, friends, and family members in the heat of the moment. This is called “outing” and his sexuality is not yours to share. It is up to your husband when/if/how he shares his news, although in the case of your children you should also be very involved in the conversation and it should be something you agree upon together.
After all, it is a personal detail of his life that he shared with you, and it is not your place to dish out his personal matters.
Get In Touch with Couples Going Through the Same Situation
You would be surprised how many couples are faced with the same situation. Their wife or husband is bisexual but, somehow, they managed to look past that and maintain a fulfilling marriage. Seek advice and tips. You might even lead a better relationship than before!
See a Marriage Counsellor or Join an LGBTQIA+ Organization
Make an appointment for yourself or both you and your husband with a counselor or marriage counselor. You will receive professional and specific guidance, and odds are it is not their first time taking on such a task.
Join an LGBTQIA+ organization where you can attend group sessions to learn more about your husband’s bisexuality. You can ask the curious questions you are afraid to ask your husband, and you will be face-to-face with people who are part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
It is natural to feel insecure and betrayed when your husband admits that he is bisexual. You might think that you will not be enough to satisfy or keep him happy. Discuss your worries with him and try to put yourself in his shoes. Do not say things you will regret when you are upset or angry. The secret to a fulfilling relationship is communication; communicating with your husband about his sexuality is the only way you can fully comprehend the situation.
You might have to have many conversations about bisexuality before you are completely comfortable with him. This piece of information does not change the man you fell in love with and married. So, do not make hurtful accusations or believe any of the stigmas and myths some people feel about bisexuals. There are many ways you can learn to accept your husband and continue with your loving marriage.
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