Pros of dating a therapist are that they’re good listeners, very patient, and very invested in the well-being of the relationship. The cons are that they’re always analyzing everything, your friends will constantly want their advice, and you can’t hide anything from them.
Dating a therapist is like winning the jackpot, right? You get your therapy free, twenty-four-seven! But I’m sure you think that it’s probably too good to be for real. Therapists are these people-whisperers who you never need to explain yourself to because they already know. But is it all that good to date a therapist? Does the “therapy hat” ever come off?
A therapist’s time is never their own. It will be tough to get to see your partner for long enough to have a meaningful relationship between private patients, hospitals, and visits to institutions. However, therapists are unique creatures who might not be an expert at life but have been through enough introspection to know precisely who they are and what they want. Here are some other points you should consider when you fall in love with a therapist.
What To Expect When Dating A Therapist
For one thing, being in a romantic relationship with a therapist will require you to have a lot of confidence. Their passion is to analyze the human character. It is something that will come out whether they are playing a round of tennis, or if they are doing some shopping.
They can no less adjust their nature than an interior decorator can ignore the patterns and color schemes in some random room. A few other typical attributes your relationship with a therapist will display are things like the following.
- They’re passionate about processing feelings. Even if you are not a communicative person, they will insist on talking about things until they’re satisfied that you’re both in a content place. Therapists are generally reluctant to let things go.
- They are intentionally asking probing questions and keen on meeting their partner’s needs. They thrive in an awkward situation, often being the ones causing the awkwardness.
- They are experts on expressing what they want out of a situation and remember explicit details when you articulate yours. They value quality time with you and enjoy both receiving and declaring words of affirmation and affection.
- Even though they try to take things slow, they will make impulsive decisions. In their heads, they have over-analyzed the situation already ten times.
- And a rather strange characteristic is that they become weirdly calm during arguments. Therapists make their living remaining graceful under pressure when their patients’ emotions become erratic. They continue to be composed if an intense discussion ensues.
10 Reasons Why You Should Date A Therapist
Dating a therapist is exciting and interesting. They are the type of people who are understanding and trustworthy, and you will learn something new about yourself constantly. They can most likely tell when you want to be left alone but pushes you to your boundaries in subtle ways.
Here are a few more reasons why you should date a therapist.
- They already know themselves. Their studies have made them question and inspect their own lives to no end. It gives them the freedom to know what they want from the relationship and their limitations.
- They give excellent advice. Their shared experiences with their patients have taught them how to overcome obstacles. They are intent listeners and know how to solve a situation amenably.
- They probably understand what you’re going through. Therapists are trained in the human psyche, in psychological struggles, and the symptoms thereof. They can predict what you’re going through, even without you uttering a word.
- They genuinely care about people. People who studied psychology sincerely want to help people. They care about the mental wellness of individuals and will possibly care as deeply about you.
- Therapists can adapt. They are generally people who hate becoming stagnant. They require changes in their lives and whole-heartedly welcomes new situations.
- They thrive under stressful situations. The type of issues they are faced with daily are severe matters like suicide, depression, and addiction. When they are required to handle everyday situations, they can remain collected and calm, methodically resolving the problem.
- Therapists can keep secrets. They are faced with keeping the confidence of their patients daily. It is part of their Hippocratic oath. When being trustworthy is part of your career, it’s hard not to transfer the capacity to protect your partner’s secrets into your personal life.
- They won’t judge you. Their learning instills in them the ability not to be judgmental. They are faced with complicated issues where they are expected to remain unbiased and non-judgmental. Therefore, they try to maintain that quality in their own relationships.
- Therapists have a financially stable careers. Even though life doesn’t revolve around money, it helps to be assured that your partner’s earnings are typically above average, and your relationship should be stable financially.
- Very intelligent. Apart from the many years of intense studying, therapists have a keen eye for observation and the talent of connecting the dots, even if you don’t see it. You will probably have the most fascinating discussions you can imagine.
Do Therapists Every Stop Analyzing?
Therapists analyze because it’s in their nature. They look for the proverbial loose screw and tries to tighten it. They spend their days studying their patients and trying to help them readjust the aspects in their lives that might have become unbalanced.
When they leave their work, they try to accept all people’s differences and aim to look with a non-judgmental eye at people. However, telling a therapist to stop analyzing is like telling an interior decorator to stop matching colors and shades.
They can, but it’s part of who they are. It’s their natural reaction to situations that allows the case to make sense to them.
7 Reasons Why Dating A Therapists Might Not Be For You
Even though getting into a long-term relationship with a therapist might feel like you finally found the one person who understands you, who knows what you’re thinking without having to tell them, it might not be all that it professes to be. Therapists are human too, and sometimes they need to disengage from wearing the “therapist hat.”
- Therapists enter into this vocation because they feel the need to help people. But sometimes, they need to separate their work life from their home life; they need to be human and handle their own trials and tribulations. The job is also just an income and requires administrational procedures like running the practice and receiving payment.
- A therapist isn’t perfect. Although they have many answers and solutions to your life’s predicaments, they also have flaws. They are, after all, only humans with insecurities and doubts of their own.
- In every employment, there is an exchange of goods for remuneration. With therapists, their “goods” are their time. Their time is valuable and in constant demand by patients, hospitals, and other like-minded people. They will frequently require some time to themselves to continue their introspection journey that will last a lifetime.
- Most therapists choose to be in this profession because they find it rewarding to see people grow and survive a challenging situation. But regardless of how objective they stay, they become emotionally invested and honestly care about their patients. In rare circumstances, this might also affect your relationship.
- No matter how satisfying it is helping other people, any therapist will confirm that a certain measure of fatigue accompanies the day’s work. They also need to remove themselves from the situation and become purely objective. They need to listen to each person actively, and it becomes exhausting.
- Regardless of how much they studied and become professional problem-solvers for other people’s lives, they are not experts in their personal lives. They make mistakes, and they often need to put their learning into practice in their own lives.
- Just like everyone, therapists sporadically require a break from being the therapist. Sometimes they need to be human and a family person without being bombarded by thought-provoking questions about other people’s lives. They want to be seen as a person, not just a therapist.
Occupational Hazards For A Therapist
It demands a special kind of person to remain non-judgmental, objective, and emotionally disconnected enough to be able to advise and encourage their patients daily without carrying the effects with them. But occupational hazards for therapists are that they are still only human.
Regardless of how much they try to separate their personal life from their clients, these clients might inadvertently affect the therapist in unexpected ways. Here are a few perils of being a therapist.
- The stress of the role might become too much to bear.
- The demands of being a therapist and the person responsible for another’s well-being.
- The intricate balance of managing the clients’ confidentiality and their own intimate personal lives.
- The isolation of the specific work environment is a heavy burden.
- Client’s traumatic experiences affecting them through their empathy and their vulnerability.
- The ever-changing standards in the professions make them feel unsafe and uncertain.
- The ongoing stress of successfully running a practice and meeting demands.
How To Help The Therapist You’re Dating
As the therapist’s partner, there aren’t many ways you can help your significant other carry their burden, but there are things in their lives you can adapt to lower the consequences of occupational stress. Here are a few ideas.
- Don’t undervalue these risks. Not every therapist is the same, and they all process their work worries differently. But allow them to “recover” from traumatic instances that seemed to leave a lasting effect.
- Maintain personal connections that don’t involve their career.
- Allow them to seek out consultations with conversant peers so they can professionally share their stress.
- Understand that they are also merely human and are vulnerable to emotions and downfalls.
- Make sure they have balanced work, rest, and play life. Ensure that self-care is a priority for them as much as their patients are. Take regular vacations to switch off.
- Establish legitimate expectations about their workload, their responsibilities, and what they can offer to the relationship.
Why You Shouldn’t Try To Be Your Date’s Therapist
Everyone has dated someone they feel the compelling need to help, whether emotionally, physically, or financially. However, it would be best if you never tried to breach the line to become that person’s therapist or even savior.
You have entered into a romantic relationship with someone, which means everything from the get-go should be equal. As soon as one of you becomes superior, the relationship becomes unhealthy and unbalanced.
Love should be enough
There is a perpetual misconception among relationships that if you love someone, you should do anything for them. To a degree, this might be true, but it doesn’t mean involving yourself in their emotional baggage and trying to lighten their load.
Every person has a responsibility to look after themselves emotionally, physically, and financially without depending on their significant other. And trying to insert yourself in your partner’s problems could cause more harm than help.
You are not their parent
Your partner may or may not have learned the moral lessons during their lifetime, but trying to make up for their lacking past experiences, does not fall upon you. Your date needs to recognize that they require help and would want to seek out support and guidance.
You cannot make that choice for them. You can but advise that you can pick up an issue with abandonment, or even as much as substance abuse, but they need to take the steps.
The sexual attraction will disappear
Acting like your significant other’s guardian angel tips the scales of power and makes them feel inadequate and inferior to you. If there are a certain number of emotional problems (whether they’re minor or severe), the responsibility is on your partner to face these demons in their own way.
Once you become the liberator of their issues, they tend to become unattracted to you because they will feel like you have all the power in your relationship. They will feel tiny and unable to be the person you need in your partnership.
Continue Reading: An Older Woman Dating A Younger Man
No matter how you slice it, there is a rather alluring prospect of dating a therapist. They have an understanding of the human condition in a much more intricate way. This makes them supportive romantic partners, and one almost feels safe in their presence.
However, they are also just human and have flaws and faults like the rest of humankind. Therapists would argue it’s fantastic dating another therapist, but if you’re one of the simple folks who don’t find it fun to constantly dissect life in such detail, you should stay clear.
After earning his Master of Social Work from the University of Toronto, Stuart gained experience working with families in community mental health settings and in the child protection sector. Since becoming a father himself, Stuart now works in private practice offering psychotherapy services. FatherResource is an opportunity for Stuart to share what he learns on his journey as a father with a larger audience.