Your husband going on vacation without you is normal. It might even be a wonderful idea, under the right circumstances. There are several important issues to consider, however, when deciding if your husband should go on vacation with you.
- Why he wants to go alone
- Your level of trust in him
- The duration of the vacation
- What the consequences are if you say no
If your being away alone will put him in a better state of wellbeing, you trust him and the vacation does not hinder his home responsibilities, you may want to say yes. Couples, who are in loving relationships, need a little space apart so that they stay interesting to each other to keep the intrigue and mystery going.
While he is away, it also gives you a chance to work on activities you enjoy alone too.
When asking yourself this question, it is most likely that you are feeling some insecurity about the matter, and you are not alone. There are several factors to contemplate before deciding whether it works for your relationship if he leaves on vacation alone. Let’s explore some of these reasons below to help you with your decision.
Why Does Your Husband Want to Go on Vacation Without You?
It is important to know why your partner wants to go without you, and you should ask him to be very clear on his reasons why. There are several common scenarios a partner needs to go alone.
- If he works a high-stress job, a vacation is necessary so that he does not bring the stress of work into your home. You may ask “why doesn’t he take this time off with me?” When someone is consistently surrounded by people at work, going away alone will give them the greatest level of solitude. Your husband will not have to cater to anyone’s needs except his own, which provides a certain level of relaxation and optimal mental health.
- If it is because he has discovered something of interest in the area, he could want to explore the activity alone because it is something you do not enjoy.
- He could be dealing with some personal issues and needs time away to sort through these thoughts without being a burden on you.
If the reasons he tells you revolve around leaving because he trying to find a way to be away from you or to escape the family, then you may have a right to be concerned. A vacation should not be used as a tool to run away from responsibility.
Do You Trust Your Husband to Be Alone Without You?
If your relationship has a history of infidelity, having him go somewhere alone may be something painful to deal with. While he is on vacation you will be worried that he will cheat on you with another woman (or man), and this would not be healthy for either of you. How do you feel when your husband has a ‘boys’ night’ or spends time out with friends and family, and you are not there?
Does he communicate regularly with you and keep the boundaries and times you have set for each other? If not, likely, you cannot trust him to be away on vacation without you and to not do something that could jeopardize your marriage. This means that the two of you need to spend some time working on the trust issues until your relationship is more solid.
If you do trust your husband and know that he has your best interests at heart, then you can trust that he will keep his promise to you whether you are there or not. When you have this level of trust, you can let him go and focus on yourself while he is away.
Your mind will not be paying attention to what he may doing, but rather to what you would like to do for yourself. Use this time as an opportunity to connect with your friends or work on activities and hobbies that you enjoy without him there. There is a reason he wanted to take a vacation, you may as well use this time to take your own staycation and focus on things that make you happy.
How Long Does Your Husband Plan on Going on Vacation Alone?
It is important to ascertain how long your partner plans to be away and how his absence will affect the roles and responsibilities you have at home. Do you have children, or run a business together that cannot afford one of you being away for a week or more?
If he wants to go for a significantly long time, you need to relay your worry about the workload you will have to manage while he is away. If the duration of his time away is inconsequential and will not affect his duties too much, then it is normal and okay for him to go on vacation.
Are There Consequences If You Refuse For Your Husband to go on Vacation Without You?
When asking yourself if it is normal for him to go, have you asked yourself if it is okay for you to say no he cannot go alone? How will that impact your relationship? Take for example this is something your husband needs for himself so he can come back feeling refreshed and you say no.
This could lead to him feeling that you are trying to control him and could harbor resentment in the long run. If he does not resent you, he may feel burn out which could physically affect his health and his ability to be present in your relationship.
Some Advantages to Your Husband Taking a Vacation Without You
- You have some alone time to focus on activities that bring you joy as an individual, and not as part of a relationship.
- Some separation is good for relationships because it means you can learn new experiences and come back and share them. Think about it this way, when you met him, there was a lot you did not know about him, and it was a journey of discovery, this can feel like that too.
- Your husband will most probably miss you, and you get to enjoy the feeling of a reunion “absence makes the heart grow fonder”.
- Your partner will see how secure you are in your relationship, and it can strengthen your trust in each other.
- If you allow him to pursue what pleases him, you will also be able to go on your solo vacation to a place you want to explore.
- Finally, if you love your husband, you want to see him happy
Letting your husband go on vacation without you could be positive for your marriage but there are a few things to reflect on before you can decide if this is a normal request. You must evaluate the level of trust in your relationship and if it is not where you feel comfortable, question yourself why and work on it.
If your husband is taking a vacation because he wants to escape his responsibilities at home, it is not advised that he makes the trip. If he is taking the vacation because he needs it for his wellbeing or because it is something that he is passionate about or excited about, then it is normal for him to want to go.
Sometimes being separated creates space for you and your partner to have different things to talk about and foster more interest in each other, just like when you first met. If you decide to be encouraging and ask him to send you pictures and wish him well, the result of this can be further love and appreciation for you.
He could come back relaxed and in a better state than when he left and he will be a happier man, thanks to your cooperation and trust in him.
His being away can also be a fantastic opportunity for you to reconnect with your passions and work on activities that bring you happiness and your chance to have your own solo vacation may be next!
After earning his Master of Social Work from the University of Toronto, Stuart gained experience working with families in community mental health settings and in the child protection sector. Since becoming a father himself, Stuart now works in private practice offering psychotherapy services. FatherResource is an opportunity for Stuart to share what he learns on his journey as a father with a larger audience.