When one party finds that the reality of divorce is different from their expectations, they externalize the issue and say that the law is unfair or make inaccurate statements such as “men always get screwed in divorce .” The actual reasoning for this statement is dependent on the character of their spouse, the lawful division of assets in your state/country, and extenuating factors (like income potential, custody of minor children, etc).
The termination of the marital bond, by divorce, often leads to one person getting “the short end of the stick”. Sometimes, this results in the misconception that the law is more lenient towards females. If you are a male who has just experienced a divorce, you might wonder; “Why do guys get screwed in a divorce?”
There are various reasons why guys believe that they have been screwed during divorce and the blame is not entirely on the country’s legal system. Let’s explore why one would make this statement and any possibility of rectifying this misconception.
Related Reading: Can My Wife Take Everything in A Divorce?
Reasons Why Guys Actually Do Get “Screwed” in a Divorce
There are various reasons why guys get “screwed” in a divorce; here are some of the possible reasons;
Reality is Far From Perception
The most common reason a guy feels like he is screwed during divorce is that he anticipates that the outcome will be much different from what it is. It is almost impossible to pre-emptively predict the outcome. It is also very seldom that the result will meet or exceed your expectations during a divorce.
If you have expectations, you must communicate these to your lawyer before court proceedings. Failure to properly communicate these expectations may result in a painful “reality check” when the divorce is finalized.
Suppose you have failed to exercise your right to obtain proper legal representation. In that case, it might leave you dealing with the repercussions (of your own choice), leading you to believe that you were entitled to more than what your divorce decree provided. Attorneys are often not asked to clarify their qualifications to act as a divorce lawyer to your specifications, only to realize afterward that your choice was not in your best interest.
Emotional Actions of Woman
Divorce is never an overnight decision. There are often years of breakdown in communication and other unforeseen circumstances that eventually position a couple in divorce court to face legal ramifications. In the interim, couples deal with mixed emotions that unravel some highly toxic character traits.
Studies have proven that there are apparent gender differences between males and females. While men tend to suppress their emotions, women are more vocal. These negative emotions can channel through emotional responses to their actions.
Engaging the Services of a Reputable Lawyer
Remember that you are your own best advocate in your divorce and the only person who will truly consider your best interests. Engaging in a good reputable lawyer always comes at a cost. The repercussions of having a less experienced lawyer in divorce proceedings, although potentially saving you money in the short term, can result in a poor outcome.
A lawyer might mislead you into believing that you are paying him for a service where he will make the best decisions for you. Often this is not always the reality.
As in any other profession, some lawyers view divorce solely as a money-making scheme. Sadly, lawyers filter these costs to the client, and these effects are felt in the terms stipulated in the divorce.
These effects will be even harsher if your spouse engages the services of a lawyer that has a track record of always getting the best deal for their client. The choice of hiring an inexperienced lawyer often comes at a price that will lead you to believe that you have received the “raw end of the deal.”
Agreeing to a Settlement
No matter how civil spouses are to one another, somehow, a divorce often ends up being messy. One lawyer might insist on a settlement to sort out issues as quickly as possible. If you are backed into a corner and agreeing to a settlement, you might later realize that the divorce terms are not what you anticipated.
It is very easy to get misled into thinking that this contractual agreement will be in your best interest. Some lawyers have a way of twisting their words to make you believe they have done you a favor.
Divorce is not only emotionally taxing but also financially debilitating. You may feel the complete after-effects when your budget gets cut in half after committing to pay child support and alimony. The judge often looks at the financial affordability before making a ruling. It may then seem like you have been screwed in divorce.
Discretion of the Judge
Before asking the question, why do guys get screwed in divorce? You need to understand how the judicial system works in determining why the judge makes certain decisions and what factors are considered.
Click on the below link to will help guide you in understanding the process.
How Do Judges Decide Divorce Cases?: An Empirical Analysis of Discretionary Decision Making
Custody of Children
Where children are involved, the court will seldom award full custodianship to the father unless proven that the mother is unfit and unable to take care of the children. It is traditionally in the best interest of the courts to ensure that they do not separate siblings and minors from the supervision of their maternal parent.
If you are pressured into accepting this, it might be deemed an unfair decision. It is never easy when it comes to receiving the custody arrangement.
What Can You Do if You Have Been Screwed in a Divorce?
It is often difficult to overturn the court’s decision if you have already agreed to the divorce terms. However, if you are willing to endure more financial outlay, it is possible with an excellent lawyer to contest the terms of a divorce and to appeal the case.
If you want to appeal, you must act quickly. Ensure that you engage the services of a reputable lawyer to plead your case within a few days of the decision. If you want to appeal a financial order, in the case of maintenance or alimony, you will have to prove that the judge erred in reaching the final decision. You cannot just appeal because you are unhappy about a decision.
You will; however, need to prepare for a fight; it is very seldom that your ex-wife or her lawyer will back down. She can view your decision to appeal as a form of punishment, and she might end up retaliating. Instead of exploring the legal route, you might want to consider sitting down with your ex-spouse and reaching an amicable compromise. You can initiate the meeting in a less legal atmosphere, perhaps in the presence of a pastor, mediator, or a mutual friend.
Research has shown that it is also not uncommon for couples to develop a more civil relationship after divorce. It might be the ideal time to discuss the way forward and rectify areas of disagreement.
In the custody area, you can also negotiate some compromises that will be of mutual benefit when it comes to co-parenting.
If you feel that the lawyer you engaged in was biased and did not provide the service you needed, you can file a complaint with the state licensing agency.
Continue Reading: Happiness for Men After Divorce [PLAN OF ACTION]
In a divorce, there are no true winners; no matter how you look at it, even the most equitable divorce would mean that you lose (likely) half of what you own, walking away with less than what you initially had. If you are adamant that you have been screwed in divorce, chances are your ex-spouse is probably feeling the same.
After earning his Master of Social Work from the University of Toronto, Stuart gained experience working with families in community mental health settings and in the child protection sector. Since becoming a father himself, Stuart now works in private practice offering psychotherapy services. FatherResource is an opportunity for Stuart to share what he learns on his journey as a father with a larger audience.