Wife Won’t Speak to Me During Divorce [WHAT SHOULD I DO?]

When your wife doesn’t speak to you during your divorce, it could be indicative of many things. Your wife might be in so much emotional pain that talking to you makes it worse. She could have already broken up with you in her heart without you knowing, or she is already starting to live a new life without you.

Going through a divorce can be the most stressful or stress-free event in a man’s life. It depends on the circumstances leading to the divorce and what you are set to lose when it is finalized. If your wife won’t speak to you during the divorce, there is nothing that you can do about it, but there are ways to deal with this and focus on the things you can control.

We never really know what another person is truly feeling or how they respond to pain emotionally. We can only try and relate, and even then, we are often still off the mark. When your wife doesn’t want to speak to you during a divorce, you may be in trouble.

wife refusing to speak to husband during divorce

Related Reading: My Ex-Wife Is Still Angry After Our Divorce, Why?

Reasons Your Wife Won’t Speak to You During the Divorce

Irrespective of who is to blame for the marriage falling apart, the fact that it’s you who’s concerned about the lack of communication indicates you may have had the bigger part to play.

Guilt, and the need to put things right before the dreaded divorce document becomes official, have made you a bit desperate. We can relate to your situation. Many people can, and its normal human behavior to try and rectify our mistakes when faced with an outcome we don’t desire.

Remember that your wife’s silence is a typical defense mechanism to protect herself from emotional pain or from dishing out more emotional pain to you.

It could also be that your wife is following her attorney’s instruction of keeping communication to a minimum and only through written email/through your lawyers.

The reasons why your wife won’t talk to you during your divorce can be any one of the following:

Your Wife is in Pain

When a marriage is coming to a premature ending, there’s typically lots of pain involved before the divorce is finalized.

Infidelity, heated arguments, resentment, stress, and heartache are but a few things that couples can be put through during this uncoupling process.

Your wife may find it easier not to engage with you as, in her estimation, you are the reason that she underwent all these painful experiences.

She needs a break from you and everything else to clear her mind and work through her feelings. Give her time to do this.

Your Wife is Determined to Move On With Her Life

For certain, a determined woman will not talk to you if talking to you could sway her decision. If there is nothing to salvage and she has determinately broken up with you in her heart, you won’t hear from her. She is done with the marriage and with you. Period.

Again, it doesn’t matter who was to blame for the marriage failure. Typically, the blame can be laid at both partners’ feet.

Just know beforehand a determined woman is not to be messed with, especially if you scorned that woman. Time to move on, my friend.

Your Wife is Experiencing Guilt and Shame

Say your wife was cheating on you, and that was the straw that broke your marriage’s back, then her silence could be due to feelings of shame and guilt.

She may be feeling remorseful but knows she doesn’t have a leg to stand on and ignoring your communications may be the easiest way for her to deal with the situation.

She may have found love with her secret lover, and talking to you could complicate their relationship. Time to move on, brother.

Your Wife Has Been Instructed by Her Attorney Not to Talk to You

If you and your wife have children together and share lots of properties and cash, your wife may have been instructed by her lawyer not to communicate with you.

Any communication could be misconstrued and used against her should the divorce be settled in court.

Keeping silent is often requested as almost any form of communication, whether friendly or angry in nature, can be presented in a certain light.

It may be in your own best interest to keep off social media for a while, as you can be sure that her divorce lawyers are checking you out.

How to Deal with an Uncommunicative Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife?

You’ve messaged her hundreds of times, left countless voicemails, invaded her social media platforms, and all you got was the sound of silence (at least her voicemail is “talking” to you.) At this point, you are acting extremely desperate, and it’s not a good thing.

It might be the best time to start focusing on your future, but make one last effort before you do.

The Final Communication Effort Before Matching Her Behavior

Take the desperation out of the equation, wait for the most opportune moment (if such a moment exists), and in a calm, empathetic straight-from-the heart method – explain to her:

  • That you are truly sorry for the pain you have caused and understand why she chose to end the marriage.
  • Take ownership of your part in the mess and promise her that, if she should decide to give you another chance, you will make her happy again by any means possible.
  • You understand how your actions have caused her pain and you regret doing them and will do anything not to repeat them, even if it requires a recovery program to address your issues.
  • You respect her need for space, but you had to get how you feel off your heart before allowing her the space she requires.
  • You don’t want to move on, as you still love her, but you would if she decides to.

This final communication can be done in person (if she allows it), via a handwritten letter, or any method where you will be sure that she receives the message. It is probably a good idea to discuss this intention with your lawyer first, to ensure that none of what you say could harm your case if the divorce still goes ahead.

If it’s your wife’s behavior that is the cause for the divorce, you can still communicate this message, but you can add the following:

  • That you are willing to work on the marriage if she stops certain behavior – infidelity or substance abuse – and if she’s willing to seek help.
  • Acknowledge your part and point out that the marriage has a chance of being saved but not while she acts in this way.
  • Tell her that you can’t keep on reaching out as it affects you emotionally and for your healing process to begin you will stop this going forward.

You have now left her with a heartfelt message of how you feel, and there’s nothing you can do after this. The ball is in her court now, and whatever happens, next will be decided by her.

After the last communication with her, it’s time to start looking ahead – building a life without your wife – as the chances are pretty high that the divorce will go ahead in any case.

The last communication is laying everything on the table, taking a step back, and allowing things to play out naturally.

I know you feel lost, heartbroken, and scared. Relationships end and people move on. Allow yourself to go through the grieving process, whatever that looks like, but remember there’s a life to be lived. Waiting for you to live it. With or without your wife.

Join a support group online, look for avenues of support via family and friends, and allow yourself to grieve for the marriage that died. Remember to grieve is natural; to stop living is not.

Seek professional help if you are struggling to move forward. You can’t change anyone in this world but yourself. Being completely honest with yourself, being aware of your character defects, and working on them, all take courage.

You may not have been the right man for your wife, but you can be a better man for your future partner.

Related Reading: How Long Can You Put A Divorce on Hold? [ANSWERED]


When your wife doesn’t want to communicate with you during your divorce proceedings, it turns an already stressful situation into a horror show. Constantly trying to communicate with her without getting a response can make you feel that you’re going crazy.

Many factors can play a part in her choice not to engage with you, and the sooner you accept this fact and her choice, the sooner you will start the healing process. It sucks to go through a divorce.

But going through it with dignity and respect for yourself is always easier than groveling to a person who has already started to move on.

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