My Wife Wants To Sleep With Someone Else, Should I Let Her?

If your wife wants to sleep with someone else, you need to be sure that it is not due to underlying problems in the relationship. In that case, you may want to seek marriage counseling. However, if there is love and trust and you know that nothing will change between you, it is up for discussion.

Okay, so your wife wants to sleep with someone else, whether a woman or a man, you understandably have reservations and concerns on the matter. The fact that she wants to sleep with someone else does not mean that she no longer loves or desires you, but it may simply mean that she is curious about what else is out there. So, what should you do?

Deciding to let your partner sleep with someone else is not an easy thing to contemplate and must be given some serious thought. You and your wife must be completely transparent about what you feel and think of the idea. So what advice can I give you? Well, be sure to read on, and let us try to tackle this together.

Husband upset with head turned away as wife pleads with him because she wants to sleep with someone else

Related Reading: Husband Wants Me To Sleep With Another Woman

Why Does My Wife Want To Sleep With Someone Else?

This is a vital question to pose right at the start, and you need to be able to trust your wife when she gives you her reasons fully. It could be that she simply wants to have an affair with another man, but does not want the hindrance of potentially getting caught out.

Other reasons may be that she has had far fewer sexual partners than you have had in your life, and she wants some room to explore and learn what it is like to be with more than just one person.

Or it may merely be a one-time fantasy that she holds, and once it has been fulfilled, then she will have worked it out of her system and will be happy to just be with you from then on.

Is It Legal to Let Your Wife Sleep With Someone Else

This is probably not the first thing that would come to mind; however, it is a point worth visiting. The fact of the matter is that in America, in 21 states, it is illegal to cheat on your spouse.

You may say that it is not cheating, but it is still worth noting that adultery is against the law in some places, and whether you agree to it or not, it may lead to legal ramifications. This is because adultery is defined as someone sleeping with someone else’s spouse.  

Most lawyers state that the law is a remnant of a more conservative past and that, in reality, it will probably not hold up in court. However, if it comes that someday you end up divorcing, and there is a custody battle, this could be used against either your wife or the person involved.

So all we want to say from the get-go is that you ought to be sure of the exact laws of the state or region in which you live and that this will not cause potential grief in the future.

Consider The State Of Your Relationship

Obviously, you have some reservations on this topic, and it is evidently bothering you to some degree. Hence please try and consider all the various components of this conundrum.

It would help if you gauged (honestly) how your relationship is going with your wife. Have you grown distant, or aren’t paying her enough attention, and is this is why she wants to seek out another individual?

Or are the two of you happily married, and she is just a carefree spirit who likes to indulge in life and all that it potentially has to offer her?

You need to check the relationship barometer. This is usually best done through honest conversation, where both parties lay all their cards on the table and have an open grown-up discussion about the matter.

Related Reading: How to Know When It’s Too Late for Marriage Counseling

Is It A Good Idea To Share Your Wife?

Now that we have gotten past the potential legal matters and the possible motives, let’s think about the moral and social dilemma. Even in today’s society, it is often frowned upon to sleep with someone else’s spouse or to allow someone to sleep with yours.

However, it does not have to become a public matter; if you can find a very discrete individual, it can remain entirely private. What it will do is ensure that your wife does not feel the need to cheat on you. Since she wants to sleep with someone else, she may well do it with or without your consent, and most would agree that we would instead not be kept in the dark.

This idea and, ultimately, the question you are asking will make you more open-minded about things; otherwise, you wouldn’t be here, to begin with. If the two of you are both in this headspace, then your relationship may well grow, and you will likely have less tension between you, and in the end, your connection will be strengthened.  

What If She Falls Out Of Love, Or No Longer Desires Me?

This is a possibility, which is why you need to have an upfront discussion on the reasoning behind her desires. It may just be that she wishes to spice things up in her sexual life and, instead of replacing you, she merely wants more of a selection in fulfilling her sexual desires.

If the other man or woman happens to be a better sexual partner than you, then you need to ask her about this, and hopefully, you can learn how to please her better. So it does not have to mean that you will be written off.

Also, you may find that the two of you grow closer after the experience, as she will appreciate your sacrifice in allowing her to explore a bit. 

Related Reading: My Wife Left Me For Another Man (Tips For Grieving)

Concerns About Safe Sex

This is an aspect that cannot be stressed enough. You both want to keep each other safe, and you will ultimately have to be sure that the man or woman she engages with is clean.

This is likely something that the three of you will need to discuss well in advance, and you will need to lay down the rules and restrictions to ensure that everyone involved is not negatively affected by the arrangement.

Another thing to be aware of is the potential for her to fall pregnant by another man, and this is another reason to ensure that every preventative measure is put in place before things get heated up.


The key here is not to rush into making any decision, no matter which way you are currently leaning. This sort of decision takes time, and there are many factors to consider, as you have seen.

Finally, remember that your wife’s sleeping with someone else cannot be undone, and you must be sure that you are aware of how it will genuinely make you feel once it has happened. If you are not entirely sure about this, then bring it to your wife and explain to her why you do not feel comfortable with it and that you would prefer to remain monogamous.

If you are confident that this will be a good thing, though, and the two of you have dissected and discussed the matter thoroughly, then just try to enjoy the fact that your wife will experience something that she will hopefully be happy for. And that the two of you are still the ones for each other regardless of your sex lives.

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