My Husband Keeps Telling Me to Leave (4 Reasons Why)

If your husband keeps telling you to leave it might be because of these three reasons: He is afraid of losing you, wants to control you, or proves his superiority and importance in your life. The fact that he wants you to leave can also be the reason. 

All married couples are familiar with the scenario where a small fight turns suddenly into something much larger. Many contributing factors might account for this, and most of the time, the big thing blows up and disappears as fast as it appeared. 

What will be the cause of your husband telling you to leave every time something like this happens? What do you do when your husband keeps telling you to leave?

When your husband tells you to leave once or twice during an argument in the span of your marriage, he is mean and inconsiderate at that moment; however, when your husband tells you this all the time, there might be something toxic going on in your relationship.

Angry husband sitting on steps on the front of house after telling his wife to leave

Related Reading: My Husband Did Nothing For Our Anniversary – What Now?

Why Does My Husband Keep Telling Me to Leave?

Most relationship problems stem from one or both partners; it is always important to address these issues head-on, honest, and together.

1. He is afHe Is Afraid of Losing You

It might sound ludicrous to say that if your husband is telling you to leave, he is afraid of losing you, but studies have shown that men with low self-esteem might use this tactic to get further reassurance that their wife will stay even when they chase them away. 

This kind of paranoia and uncertainty might stem from a deep sense of abandonment and a longing to control an impossible environment. A man who behaves like this was most likely neglected or abused as a child and is therefore especially insecure in their relationships

You must know that no amount of reassurance will help your husband understand that you will not leave him, and nothing you do will make him feel secure. It is a very difficult situation to be in as a wife, so encourage your husband to get some help. 

2. He Wants to Control You

If you are completely dependent on your husband, especially if you have children together, a husband might tell his wife to leave every time they argue, to remind her that she has nowhere to go and that she is in his control completely.   

This form of manipulation comes from a man that has a deep need for control and no way to achieve it. The sad thing about this situation is that the wife might not even have anything to do with controlling his need. A man who does this to his wife will often do it after a disappointment from another source, like his work or his hobby

This results in the wife regularly being told to leave without any explanation or warning.   

3. He Wants to Show His Superiority and Importance

He feels out of control and unimportant, and this is a way to make you understand that what he feels is not true. This is a major form of toxicity and should not be taken lightly. Men who have this kind of behavior will seek other ways of making this point known to you, and in extreme situations, they might turn violent. If these warning signs are seen in your relationship, it might be wise to seek help. 

Men who do this will tell you to leave and reinforce the situation by reminding you that you have nowhere to go and that you will be nothing without him. He might even go as far as to kick you out of the house and then become the hero into himself when he rescues you. 

Behavior like this stems from deep emotional and psychological problems, and it is essential to get help for yourself and your husband. If children are involved in relationships like this, the situation becomes even more vital to address as soon as possible. 

4. He Wants You to Leave

Wanting you to leave is not as common as it might seem, and most of the time, this will not be discussed in a fit of rage but rather an emotional conversation.  It will be a discussion and not a fight. 

Although hearing this might not be easy and painful, it will not be an attack, and it will not be because of rage. Having honest conversations like these might also be how your marriage gets saved and has an opportunity to grow. Getting counseling can be the next step healthy step that you take in your marriage. 

How Do I Get Control Back in My Relationship? 

The first thing to remember is that your husband’s need for control most likely stems from a former trauma or situation where he had no control. The need to control and where it comes from needs to be addressed in the long run by your husband. 

You have some tools at your disposal that might help your immediate situation and can help you take the first positive steps in having a healthy relationship. 

You Have the Right to Say No

Saying no to a controlling partner seems impossible, but it can be a very powerful tool when it is done with love and understanding.  The next time your husband tells you to leave, try telling him: “No, I love my life here and I am not going to leave it.

I feel hurt and rejected when you tell me things like this and I want to ask you not to do it again.” Your husband might react badly to this but keep remembering that you have equal rights in the life that you built together, you are important in the relationship too, and you are worthy and deserve to be loved. 

You Have the Right to Ask For What You Want

When asking for what you want from a controlling partner, it is essential that you are specific and assertive.  Don’t tell him simply that you feel hurt but tell him what you want moving forward. Tell him that you want to feel like you are a part of the relationship and build a positive relationship moving forward.

Still, the uncertainty of knowing whether he wants you to be a part of it makes it difficult to invest fully. Explain to him that you want to feel safe with him and that only he has the power to make that happen. 

What Should I Do if My Husband Wants Me to Leave?

The realization that your husband wants you to leave can be devastating, but it can also be the first step into a positive new life, whether with your husband or not. The first decision you have to make when confronted with this situation is whether you want to fight for your marriage or not. 

If the answer is yes, there are plenty of resources for you to use, including marriage counseling and workshops. Make sure that you are honest with yourself and your husband and decide together what will be the perfect fit for your marriage. 

If the answer is that you want to leave your husband, it can be useful to discuss that too. This is a vital next step, especially if there are children involved.

Related Reading: Husband Wants a Divorce but Still Wants to Be Together?


There are many reasons why your husband might tell you to leave, but we discussed the three major ones.  If you find yourself in a situation where any of these issues are apparent, it can be useful to ask for help from a professional. You should also identify any toxic signs and address is with urgency. 

Your marriage is important, and it should be a priority, but it is also wise to deal with issues in a calm manner and with urgency. Remember that you are not responsible for another person’s actions, and you can only decide how you react to something. Not everything in your life is in your control, but your boundaries are in your control. 

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