Keeping your in-laws away from your baby can be a daunting task that will bring about a number of arguments between everyone involved. This is something that you will have to prepare yourself for. You will need to stand firm in your decision, and be clear with your in-laws.
Dealing with your in-laws is always complex. It becomes even more complex when you add a new baby into this dynamic, especially when you do not trust your in-laws around your baby. Sometimes keeping your in-laws away is your best option.
You will need to discuss your decision with your spouse and be sure of why you want to keep your in-laws away from your baby. It is your baby, only you and your partner can make decisions regarding your family. It is a big decision to be making and one that you will need to hold your ground on.
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Speaking To Your Spouse About Their Parents
It is a very difficult decision to limit contact with your in-laws and will likely only come after multiple instances where your boundaries have been disrespected and disregarded. Each situation is different and will have an individual way to deal with it.
Before speaking to your in-laws or making a final decision, you will need to speak to your spouse. Your in-laws are their parents and they will likely want to keep their parents happy and have their child know their family.
It is important that you remain firm in your decision and be clear with the boundaries you are setting. Before you approach your in-laws, you will need to discuss why you would like to keep your in-laws away from your baby.
Your spouse will have to be completely on board with your decision as it will impact their relationship with their family. They will have to stand behind your decision and support you in order for you to effectively keep your family on the same page.
If you seriously intend to keep your baby away from your in-laws you will have to be sure that your spouse has your back in your decision and won’t allow your in-laws to see your baby without your knowledge.
You are your baby’s protector and their care is in your hands, it is entirely your decision about who has access to your child and how you choose to raise them. You will need to be prepared for potential pushback.
Your in-laws will likely put up a fight and try to see your baby regardless of the boundaries you put in place. You and your spouse will need to come up with a strategy beforehand of how to ensure your boundaries are respected.
It will not be easy for your spouse to process or navigate, and you will need to remain patient with them. You are a team together and it is vital that you understand where each other is coming from in order to be a united front.
When you approach your spouse, you will need to make a decision together that you are both comfortable with. You will need to establish clear boundaries about how you will interact with your in-laws and how you will both deal with any backlash from extended family if any.
How To Approach Your In-Laws and Set Boundaries
It is best if your spouse handles their own parents as they will know best how to handle them. If you approach your spouse’s parents, they will likely not take you as seriously as they will your spouse.
Your spouse will understand best how to speak to their parents and set boundaries in place.
You don’t need to outright tell your in-laws that they are not allowed to see their grandchild, but you will need to put boundaries in place. If they are constantly asking to spend time and see your baby, you should calmly tell them you are uncomfortable or suggest an alternative where you are present.
They will likely not react well to your decision as they will take offense. You will need to be prepared for the potential of a fight with your in-laws.
If you feel the need to put boundaries in place, it is likely that they will disregard these boundaries and try to see your baby regardless of your feelings.
You will need to remain calm and approach your in-laws firmly. You can’t allow them to bully you into changing your mind and you will need to be supportive of your spouse as they will likely feel conflicted as well.
Don’t speak between the lines when speaking to your in-laws about your boundaries. You need to make it extremely clear that they are not going to see your baby without supervision or at all.
Make sure there is no room for miscommunication or misinterpretation. If your in-laws have a tendency to purposefully misunderstand something you have said to their benefit they will take advantage of any ambiguity.
Once the initial fights blow over, you will be grateful that you protected your family and your space.
Be firm in insisting that they always check-in before coming over to your house unannounced. If they ignore this boundary, ignore their calls and knock at the door. It is important that you protect your space and send a clear message to your in-laws that you cannot be bullied into letting them get their way.
Do your best not to interact with every argument, this will only lead to further discontent and defeat the purpose of putting boundaries in place.
It is important not to send mixed signals – you can’t put boundaries in place and disregard them for convenience or if you feel like you are forced to. It will be difficult to enforce boundaries if you allow them to be broken.
Remaining steadfast in your decision with your partner is vital when engaging with your in-laws. Your family and your peace is the most important thing and it should be protected.
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Deciding to keep your in-laws away from your baby is a serious commitment that cannot easily be undone. You must be sure that it is the right decision and be on the same page as your partner before you shut your in-laws out.
Your baby is your responsibility, you have been entrusted to protect and care for them. If you feel like it is necessary to keep your in-laws away from your baby then you need to trust that instinct.
Explain your reasoning clearly to your spouse and make sure they are on your side before you begin blocking access to your in-laws. You will need to stand firm in your decision and avoid being ambiguous.