If you are considering divorce because your in-laws have detrimentally impacted your marriage, it does not have to result in divorce. There are various boundaries that can be put in place to protect your marriage while allowing your partner to have a relationship with their parents.
If you’re considering divorce because of your in-laws, it’s likely that your in-laws have negatively impacted your marriage to the point where you cannot enjoy your marriage.
Let’s explore potential reasons why you may be considering divorcing your partner because of your in-laws and ways to resolve the issues with your in-laws without having to get divorced.
Related Reading: How To Talk To In-Laws About Divorce
Here are potential reasons why you may be considering divorce because of your in-laws and potential solutions to help resolve the issues you are experiencing with your in-laws without divorcing your partner.
1. Your In-Laws Have Caused Division Between You And Your Spouse
If your in-laws have managed to cause division between you and your spouse, making you look like the villain in your spouse’s eyes, then it means they have managed to split your family unit, causing you and your partner to no longer be viewed as a team.
If your in-laws have pinned the two of you against each other, they have turned what should be a loving partnership into rivalry. This has likely caused your partner to mistrust you, look down on you, and feel safer being independent of you.
If this is the case, try to unite as husband and wife. Take advantage of any opportunity to behave in a way that unites the two of you and strengthens your union. Try to find opportunities where the two of you need to rely on each other as a team in order to develop trust and support between you and your spouse.
Take every opportunity to support your spouse, in private and in public. Indicate a clear loyalty to your partner so that they are acutely aware of your dedication to them. By showing praise and support, your partner will feel safe in your union and begin to trust you more.
Once the two of you become closer as a team, your partner will develop a stronger sense of loyalty toward you and feel the need to protect you and your good name when they interact with their parents.
Communicate your feelings to your spouse so that the two of you can brainstorm ways to save your marriage while enabling them to maintain a healthy relationship with their parents. Your spouse may need to refuse to tolerate slander by their parents, whether you are present or not. They will need to make you a priority to their parents and present a united front to their relatives.
2. Avoid Dwelling On Your Problems
Try to avoid being in a victim mode. While it is natural to feel sorry for yourself, and it is important for you to acknowledge the hurt you are experiencing, it is important that you remain hopeful and be proactive about saving your relationship.
Confide in a friend who will show empathy while also offering wise counsel. It may also be valuable to consult a licensed therapist who can help you navigate your emotions and provide advice on how to approach the situation at hand.
It may also be valuable to go to a marriage counselor who is equipped to give you situation-specific guidance. A marriage counselor will be able to objectively see the situation at hand and provide unbiased guidance to help you move forward with love.
Consider joining support groups or consulting expert resources that can provide guidance on how you can improve your relationship with your spouse and potentially improve your relationship with your in-laws.
3. Be Assertive And Implement Boundaries
Being assertive and implementing boundaries with your in-laws is likely to upset them in the beginning. Given that they’re used to being the ones who run the show, they are likely to show resistance to any boundaries you try to put in place.
It’s important that you stand firm when implementing boundaries because if you do not see them through, your in-laws will see you as a pushover and will continue to disrespect you because they know you will not act on your words.
Being assertive with your in-laws will ensure that you manage their expectations and there is no uncertainty regarding where they stand with you. While it’s important to be assertive and implement boundaries, keep in mind that you should execute this with respect.
Avoid creating a situation where your spouse is upset because they feel you have disrespected their parents, as this will only lead them to feel more protective of their parents and more resentful of you.
Related Reading: Why Does Family Hurt You The Most?
4. Prioritize Your Spouse When It Comes To Your Parents
If you would like your spouse to treat you like a priority, set the standard by showing them that while you love your parents, you will not put your parents before your spouse.
Put boundaries in place with your parents to ensure that they respect your spouse. When your spouse engages with your family, make a concerted effort to show loyalty in front of your family.
By setting the example by portraying a united front during your interactions with your parents, your spouse may learn from the example you have set and be encouraged to do the same.
5. Avoid Trying To Force A Relationship With Your In-laws
Relationships are a two-way street. Regardless of the effort you put in, if your in-laws are not open to receiving your love and are unwilling to put their pride aside, then it is best that you conserve your energy and rather direct it towards showing love to your spouse.
It is possible for you to have a loving relationship with your spouse without you having to engage with your in-laws. If they are unwilling to compromise and be accommodating of your role in the broader family unit, then it’s understandable that you do not want to spend time with them.
While this may be hurtful for your partner who naturally loves their parents, their parents’ attitude towards you is something beyond your control, and you can rest in knowing that you tried your best to contribute to a healthy relationship with your in-laws.
Related Reading: How to Keep My In-Laws Away From My Baby?
Final Thoughts When Considering Divorce Because of In-Laws
Having a good relationship with your in-laws might be entirely impossible in your situation.
However, if you put boundaries in place, treat them with respect, and maintain a healthy distance from them, it may be possible to save your marriage and avoid getting divorced because of your in-laws.