Your family may hate you because they think you’re ungrateful, find you unhelpful, consider you disrespectful, feel you do not spend enough quality time with them, or are offended by the boundaries you have put in place in your relationship with them.
Feeling like your family hates you is an incredibly lonely, disheartening experience. Wondering why your family hates you and not knowing what you can do to improve the situation makes the experience even more overwhelming.
Let’s explore the potential reasons why your family hates you so that you are able to understand the reasons behind the way they treat you and find ways you can improve your relationship with your family.
Related Reading: Why Does My Dad Hate Me?
Potential Reasons Why Your Family Hates You
Here are potential reasons why your family hates you and things you can do to improve your relationship with your family.
1. Your Family Thinks You Are Ungrateful
Your family may hate you if they think you are ungrateful. This perception may have arisen due to you not showing gratitude for the things they do for you or provide for you.
It may be valuable to reflect on how you relay your gratitude towards your family. If you find that you have come to take things for granted and could improve on relaying your gratitude, then there are various ways in which you can change your family’s perception of you.
You can show your family that you are grateful by showing high regard for the good they do for you or anyone in general. Express thanks at every occasion, regardless of how small the deed.
Consider trying to show gratitude in your family member’s love language. For example, if they show love through acts of service, but receive love through touch, then consider giving them a hug after they make you a meal.
Soon your family will begin to pick up that you are grateful for their efforts. Once they realize that you are grateful for them, they will feel valued and secure in their relationship with you.
Related Reading: Why Does Family Hurt You The Most? (4 Reasons)
2. Your Family Finds You Unhelpful
If your family members generally do more around the house than you do, they may come to resent you because they do not feel you are contributing to the functioning of the household in an equal manner to them.
If your family finds you to be unhelpful, you can start to change this perspective by enquiring how you can help them with certain tasks or ask them if there are any responsibilities you can take off their plate.
You can also take the initiative and do helpful things without anyone asking for assistance. This will help your family feel that you are an equal member of the household, reassuring them that they are equal to you and do not have to serve your interests.
3. Your Family Is Offended That You Don’t Spend Enough Time With Them
If you are a busy individual, it is likely that you will not have much time to spend with your family. Remind your family of the various responsibilities you have in a gentle manner so that they are mindful of the various things on your plate, so they’re able to understand why you are unable to spend more time with them.
Try your best to be present when you spend time with your family so that it is clear to them that you enjoy time with them, and if you had the opportunity to, you would spend more quality time with them.
If you struggle with anxiety or depression, it may be overwhelming and rather challenging to engage in family time. Try to be open with your family about your emotional and mental health, and elaborate that while you love them, you do not have the capacity to spend excessive amounts of time with them.
However, you may simply be an introvert who enjoys limited interaction with others, even if they are your loved ones. If you are an introverted soul, it may be valuable to have a discussion with your family where you explain to them that you love spending quality time with them, but need time to yourself in order to take care of your well-being.
Reassure them that the time you spend with them is not a reflection of your love for them, nor does it reflect on their character and their treatment of you.
4. Your Family Considers You Disrespectful
If you are someone who enforces firm boundaries which your family struggles to respect and uphold, it is only natural for this to result in conflict and the sense that your family hates you. This may particularly be the case if you previously lacked boundaries and have now put boundaries in place that have resulted in your family having less access to you.
If you think your family is offended by your boundaries and sees this as a form of disrespect, then there is not really much you can do in your own capacity because your well-being is your main priority.
However, if you are often back-chatting or not showing love and support to your family, then this may be interpreted as disrespect that may be the cause for your family hating you.
If you are aware that you can be unsupportive and may come across as disrespectful, it may be valuable to reflect on your relationship with your family members so that you can find ways to treat them with respect going forward.
You can show your love and respect for your family by allowing each family member to speak without interrupting them, supporting them in their endeavors and not breaking them down even if you feel it may not be the best idea, and overall reminding them that you love them.
By softening your approach and emphasizing your love and support, your family will likely stop hating you as they will be reassured that you respect their position in your life and respect them as individuals.
Related Reading: Why Does My Wife Hate My Family?
If you feel your family hates you, it is likely that they feel you do not value them and their efforts. You can show your family that you value them through spending more time with them, helping them when they require assistance and showing them love in the way that they best receive love.
After earning his Master of Social Work from the University of Toronto, Stuart gained experience working with families in community mental health settings and in the child protection sector. Since becoming a father himself, Stuart now works in private practice offering psychotherapy services. FatherResource is an opportunity for Stuart to share what he learns on his journey as a father with a larger audience.