Your wife may hate your family because she feels excluded from them, feels they judge her, feels they disrespect her as your wife, feels they have created an unattainable standard for her and imply that she is not enough, or feels that you prioritize them above her.
As a husband, the last thing you want is for your wife to hate your family. Naturally, your wife and your family are both very important to you, so the tension can be very unpleasant for you because you may feel torn between the two. Understandably, you want your wife to love your family the way you do.
Having your wife hate your family can be very hurtful for you as a husband. Establishing potential reasons why your wife hates your family will be beneficial in enabling you to understand why she feels this way. Once you understand the potential reasons she feels this way, you’ll be able to find ways to ease the tension between your wife and your family.
Here are potential reasons why your wife hates your family and suggestions on how you can improve the situation.
1. Your wife feels you prioritize your family over her
It is only natural for your wife to want to be the number one person in your life.
If your wife feels like she has to compete with your family for your attention, she may hate them because she feels they come before her.
If this is the case, you will need to make a point of making your wife feel prioritized. Reassure her of her position as number one in your life. It is likely that you will have to make some sacrifices in this regard.
Once your wife feels secure in her position in your life, she will not feel like she is in competition with your family, which is likely to ease the tension between her and your family.
2. She feels like it’s her against them, and you’re not on her team.
If there have been instances where you had to choose between her and your family, and from her perspective, you chose their side, it may feel like you’re not on her side.
Additionally, if there have been instances where she has voiced something from her perspective which your family disagreed with, and you sided with your family, it may have led to her feeling like she had to fend for herself.
Such an instance could be aggravated if you sided with your family in her presence but later told your wife in private that you actually agreed with her perspective. This may have led to her feeling like you do not stand up for her.
In order to improve such a situation, you will need to support your wife in front of your family, so she feels like you’re on her team.
3. She disagrees with your family’s beliefs
If your family has beliefs that do not align with your wife’s beliefs, she may feel that their views are problematic. If she frequently hears your family disrespecting her beliefs, whether intentionally or not, she may come to hate them because she feels disrespected or insulted by their viewpoint.
Naturally, your family is entitled to have their own beliefs. However, in such an instance, you could consider speaking to your family and ask them to steer clear of topics that may upset your wife when she spends time with them. While they might find this a big ask of you, they are likely to comply for your sake.
4. Your wife feels excluded by your family
Your wife may be feeling like an outsider to your family, especially if you are a close-knit bunch. She may be feeling like everyone knows each other well and that they all have specific roles within the extended family unit while she feels like a guest in their presence.
If this is the case, you should consider asking your family to make an effort to include her in things. They could include her by asking her to make something to bring for a family dinner, inviting her for shopping trips, inviting her to events where it’s just the ladies, so she has the opportunity to bond with them.
If your wife feels accepted and included by your family, she will start to become enthusiastic about spending time when them.
5. Your wife feels judged and disrespected by your family
If your wife is particularly different from your family, she may feel that they judge her for who she is. She may feel that she is not able to be herself around them because she is different from them.
She may also feel that they have a certain standard of doing things that is different from how she does things. Therefore, she may feel like they have set an unattainably high standard that she cannot meet, causing her to feel as though she is not enough for you.
If you suspect that this may be an issue for your wife, it is important that you reassure her that you love her for who she is. Highlight the beauty in her uniqueness. Ensure that she knows that you are not expecting her to be like her family or do the things they do.
Furthermore, you will need to have a discussion with your family about the standard they hold her to. Make it clear to them that you love her for who she is and wouldn’t have it any other way. Make sure that it is clear to them that you will not tolerate her being disrespected.
Once you have established clear boundaries with your family and ensured they know how important your wife’s feelings are to you, they are likely to treat her with more respect and make her feel more welcome in the family unit.
Continue Reading: I Hate My Husband
If your wife hates your family, it can be extremely painful for you, especially because they both play such important roles in your life. Your wife may hate your family if she feels disrespected, unwelcome, or inferior to them.
It would be valuable for you to reassure your wife of her position in your life and ask your family to make a concerted effort to treat your wife with love and respect so that you can all get along well.
After earning his Master of Social Work from the University of Toronto, Stuart gained experience working with families in community mental health settings and in the child protection sector. Since becoming a father himself, Stuart now works in private practice offering psychotherapy services. FatherResource is an opportunity for Stuart to share what he learns on his journey as a father with a larger audience.