When your wife has feelings for someone else, you have two fundamental choices in the situation. Choice number 1 is that you can choose to fight for your wife and your marriage, or choice number 2 is to walk away and move on. There is no clear guideline on how to move forward, and only you can know what the best decision for yourself is.
Has your marriage suddenly become tenser and it is becoming more evident that your wife is not as interested as she used to be? You may suspect she has feelings for someone else, or she could have told you that she is.
It is entirely up to you whether your marriage is worth fighting for. Human emotions do fluctuate and it is entirely normal to develop other crushes during the course of the marriage, however, it is between spouses to decide if these feelings can consensually be acted upon.
Related Reading: Common Signs That It Is Too Late for Marriage Counseling
How Do You Know if Your Wife Has Feelings for Someone Else
It is not uncommon for a spouse to develop feelings for someone else during the course of a marriage. This often happens when they are feeling a disconnect to their partner or has been feeling unfulfilled.
There are tell-tale signs that your wife may have fallen for someone else. Experts say it’s important to note subtle changes within a relationship but it is important to not look for signs that may not be there.
1. Loss of Affection
One of the first notable signs to look out for are that your partner may have become less affectionate, and your intimate life has become less frequent.
This could be due to the guilt they are feeling, or that they are being fulfilled by the person they are interested in if she has pursued a relationship with them. Your wife will have begun distancing herself from you.
It is important to keep in mind if there are other stressful circumstances in your partners life which could lead to them being less affectionate.
2. Sudden Shift In Finances
Another vital sign to look out for is if your wife is suddenly spending more money on nights out, lunches, or unexplained outings. If they are unexplainably short of cash and asking to split the bill, then they may be spending their money on someone else.
They will likely become more secretive about where they spend their money and why they are spending more money on events out.
3. Emotionally Withdrawn
Linking to loss of affection, your wife may be more emotionally withdrawn and less likely to engage with you in both positive and negative situations. She may be seeking her emotional support elsewhere and will be less likely to lean on you for support.
Her answers will become shorter with you, she’ll be less likely to come to you with their problems. Your wife will be feeling conflicted, especially if she has begun engaging with this new person.
Related Reading: My Wife Get Mad Over Small Things, Why?
4. Less Likely to Engage in Public Displays of Affection
Your wife will start pulling away from you in public settings, especially if this new person is someone you both know or will likely run into. In this she could also begin walking away from you, or falling behind your steps while you’re walking in public.
This isn’t a massive red flag but it could be a warning sign if your wife was previously very affectionate in public, and especially if this is coupled with other warning signs stated above.
5. Their Mood or Tone Shifts With You
Your wife may start becoming more irritated with you or her mood will shift when you enter into the room. As she is spending more time with someone, and even just has her thoughts on somebody else.
Due to the inner conflict she could be feeling, it could become tedious for her to spend time with you. Especially since it will likely take up a majority of her energy to keep up her secret.
6. Your Instincts Are Warning You
Your gut feelings are powerful and are often an indicator that something is amiss. If your instincts are warning you that your wife’s interest has strayed away from your marriage then it is important that you follow that instinct.
This is not always full proof as your insecurities and emotions can get the best of you. However, if your gut feeling telling you that something is off and there are evident warning signs that your wife is not faithful then it is time to confront your wife.
It is recommended that you don’t immediately react to your gut instincts as your wife’s interest in someone else could be passing. It is wiser to observe other warning signs before you act on your concerns.
What Can You Do When Your Wife Has Feelings For Someone Else?
The mature thing to do is to speak to your wife and have an honest conversation with her. This may not be easy, but it will help you understand where your marriage may have gone astray.
Having this conversation will also help you determine whether your marriage is salvageable or whether it is healthier to move on. It is never an easy pill to swallow when your partner has betrayed your trust and fallen for someone else.
It is highly recommended that you consult a couples psychologist who can help both you and your wife navigate this time in your marriage. A professional can guide you in the most mature manner and help you both heal from this betrayal.
This is also the time for you to take accountability for the aspects you may have lacked in the marriage which led to your wife straying away. This takes responsibility and a deeper understanding of your partner.
If your wife and yourself can move forward together, your marriage can be stronger than ever. You will both have a deeper understanding of each other and your needs. Do not give up hope and do your best to keep a calm and open mind.
Ultimately, your wife can’t help her feelings but she can control what she does about them. You should confront her about it and it is best to consult a couples psychologist who can help you navigate this difficult patch if you feel like your marriage is still recoverable.
If you feel like your marriage is beyond fixing then you will need to have this discussion with your wife and begin planning your separate futures.
Before doing this though, is it best to think carefully. Many marriages have come out stronger from infidelity.
After earning his Master of Social Work from the University of Toronto, Stuart gained experience working with families in community mental health settings and in the child protection sector. Since becoming a father himself, Stuart now works in private practice offering psychotherapy services. FatherResource is an opportunity for Stuart to share what he learns on his journey as a father with a larger audience.