My Husband Never Initiates Intimacy, WHY?

If your husband never initiates intimacy with you, he may be experiencing high levels of stress or lower energy levels. He may also be feeling rejected, or self-conscious about his body as he ages. Aging men also have a naturally lower drive.

It can be difficult to understand when your spouse seems to have no interest in, or may even be avoiding, intimacy. Many women may take their husband’s seeming absence of desire towards them personally, but it is important to remember that a lack of intimacy is an issue that needs to be tackled together, as a marital unit.

Whatever the case may be, there are ways to rekindle the intimate part of your marriage. They make take a bit of work, but over time you’ll find that your relationship can be just as exciting as it was during the honeymoon phase – no matter how long you’ve been married.

Wife with back to husband in bed because he never initiates intimacy

Related Reading: My Husband Lacks The Ambition To Get A Better Job (Help!)

Feeling Rejected

Relationships are all about give-and-take. If you have been married for a while, or you were in a long-term relationship with your husband before tying the knot, chances are your husband has been the primary initiator when it comes to intimacy.

More often than not, men tend to initiate play-time more frequently than women. When your husband has made advances in the past, you may have taken him up on the offer on the odd occasion. But in the instances that you turned down his suggestion of play-time, he may have felt a knock to his confidence.

These repeated rejections can have a lasting impact on your spouse and how he approaches play-time. He may feel that initiating play-time is a waste of time because of the likelihood of being rejected, or he may be afraid to be shot down once again.

If this is the case, you may need to show him that you’re still interested in having an intimate relationship by initiating play-time more often. Eventually, he may feel more confident in asking for intimacy as a result.

Related Reading: My Wife Never Apologizes For Anything (4 Reasons)

Unresolved Issues

When emotions run high it can be difficult to focus on much else besides how you’re feeling. Similarly, if you and your partner have been arguing a lot or have any underlying resentment towards one another, it is a sure-fire way to kill your libido.

If you and your husband are holding onto bitterness or tension, it can often cloud your judgment and make you feel less close to one another. So if you’re avoiding one another or giving each other the silent treatment, there is no wonder that your husband may not want to initiate play-time.

By talking to your partner and clearing the air, you may find a renewed sense of romance in your relationship. It’s important to remember that play-time and intimacy are entangled with emotions, and so you can never separate the two when it comes to your marriage.

So allow your partner to air their feelings in a safe, calm environment that is free of judgment. You can also work on communicating more frequently rather than letting negative emotions fester and wreak havoc on other areas of your marriage.

Stress And Priorities

As we get older, our priorities shift. They become more complex and are focused on external factors like work and family life. Constant worry over money and job security are also common stressors that you may not realize have an impact on your relationship and mental health.

It is completely natural for your husband to focus more and more on work as he gets older. Whether he is building a career or trying to earn a promotion, his ambitions are justified and should be celebrated – within reason.

Find ways to encourage your spouse in his work life, but make sure that he doesn’t lose sight of life outside of work. It is easy to engross yourself in your career, but your marriage shouldn’t take a back seat. Both work and your relationship should have equal amounts of importance.

Of course, kids can also be a reason that your husband may not be initiating intimacy as often as he used to. As a parent, your needs and wants can sometimes fall by the wayside in lieu of your children.

Your partner may want to become more involved in your children’s lives, and rightly so. By putting time aside to work on your relationship, you can keep the spark alive – even after you’ve had children. If you want a simple way of reigniting your romance, try going out for a romantic date night every once in a while so that you can let your hair down and spend your time and energy on your partner.


After a few years of marriage, you may find that your relationship begins to feel familiar and comfortable. You do the chores together, you go to bed together, you may even be so comfortable that you find yourself leaving the bathroom door open when you’re on the loo.

While feeling comfortable and building a routine with your spouse can help you to build a stronger friendship, it does little in the way of increasing your libido. In fact, it can sometimes be a complete libido killer.

You may find that your responsibilities are too time-consuming or that you aren’t really ‘in the mood’ after ironing the laundry for an hour. And who could blame you?

If you feel like this could be the reason your partner is holding back, there are a few easy ways to combat it. Too busy for play-time? Plan it! Put it down in your calendar and spend an evening with intimacy as your main focus. Or, if washing dishes has killed the romantic atmosphere, work with your spouse to make your bedroom a more sensual and erotic environment.

That means that when you go to bed, your bedroom is a space where you put all your focus on your partner. No discussing responsibilities, no more jotting down a quick grocery list for your trip to the supermarket tomorrow. Allow yourself to make your husband the center of attention, and vice versa.

Other Underlying Problems When Husband Never Initiates Intimacy

If you feel like there is a deeper underlying issue that has put the brakes on your intimacy, you may have to think beyond the idea that your husband doesn’t want to have play-time.

When men age, they can start to become more body-conscious. With hair moving away from the top of their head and sprouting in places where there was never hair before, and their figure becoming softer around the middle, it’s easy to see why men can feel self-conscious about their bodies.

But women age too! And let’s be honest, we love the thought of growing old with our partner.

Still, your husband could be avoiding play-time because of his lack of confidence in his appearance. To rebuild his self-image and keep reminding him that he is still as attractive as the day you met.

Another part of aging is the unfortunate health conditions that come with it. Middle-aged men are at a greater risk of developing certain conditions, including Erectile Dysfunction (ED). But that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying intimacy.

Intimacy is a much more complicated concept than just having play-time. And there are lots of ways to enjoy play-time besides penetration. So just have fun and explore new ways to enjoy one another. You may be surprised at just how creative you can get!

Related Reading: Why Does My Husband Want To Wear My Bra And Panties?


Although there are plenty of reasons why you and your partner may be experiencing a lull in intimacy, there are just as many ways to fix it. It is important to remember to treat the issue with respect, and a willingness to understand if your partner is struggling to initiate playtime.

If you are unable to resolve the issue with your partner, it may be a good idea to seek the health of a registered relationships counselor.





Skip to content