Lack of ambition can result from traumatic life events, mental health concerns, or even a lifetime of not having to take responsibility. It places strain on a relationship, impacts planning for your future, and causes the ability to connect with your partner. Honest communication is needed to move forward.
You love your husband – he’s a good guy who treats you well, helps around the house, and is a great dad. But he’s got no ambition or drive and has no particular goal that he’s working towards in terms of his career. What started as a niggling minor issue has now become a worrying point of tension between you, and you may be wondering if his lack of ambition can lead to more severe problems.
While there are many reasons why someone lacks ambition, dealing with it in a relationship can be very challenging. Let’s look at some reasons for this situation and consider a few alternatives.
Related Reading: 10 Signs It’s Too Late For Marriage Counseling
Tips for Dealing With Husband Who Lacks Ambition for a Better Job
Regardless of the reasons, if things are left as is, you will most definitely find yourself in a worse situation a few months down the line. Resentment and bitterness that are left to rot will ultimately lead to the destruction of a relationship.
So, what should you do?
1. What Are Your Expectations?
Firstly, make sure your expectations are reasonable. If your husband has only been at a job for a few short months, it’s not fair to expect him to be vying for a top-level position or hedging for promotion off the bat. Perhaps he needs to settle and find his groove first. Furthermore, expectations should align with the type of person he is – you’re setting yourself up for disaster if your expectations contradict his nature.
Think carefully about what your expectations are for yourself, your relationship, and your husband. There’s a lot to be said for being sure your values and beliefs in life are compatible – and if this isn’t something you’ve thought of before, you may need to have an honest discussion with your other half.
2. Communication Is Key
Getting on the same page is vital, and doing that requires that you have an open conversation with your spouse about where you find yourself, why it’s problematic, and whether it’s something you can work on together. This conversation may highlight some clashing values or even bring up a misalignment of plans, which creates an opportunity for you both to realign and put together a plan of action for the future.
Remember that the reasons for his lack of ambition may even pertain to you and how he feels around you, which means you need to be open to change yourself.
3. When To See A Professional
Counseling is almost always beneficial, even more so if your husband’s lack of ambition stems from severe depression or post-traumatic stress. And if you find yourself in a place where you’re just not able to communicate about this impediment, rather get help than leave it to fester even further.
In the rare event that you discover your values no longer align and you feel that you cannot continue the way things are, you may feel it’s time to call things off. Hopefully, this isn’t the case, and most often, you should be able to find and address the cause of the issue.
Why Your Husband Is Lacking Amibition For A Better Job
The first step in solving this puzzle is to look at your history and your relationship’s course thus far. Was there the promise of a better-paying job that never realized? Was there a joint vision in place that you’re supposed to be working towards? Was there a career goal that somehow has fallen by the wayside?
If something has changed in the last few weeks or months, it might be easier to find an answer to what’s happened and what you should do. If, however, it’s been years of the same lack of drive and ambition, you may have a bigger problem on your hands.
Same Old Same Old
So, your husband has never been the ambitious type – maybe he’s been in the same job since you met him. For some people, ambition is not a character trait or something that comes naturally to them, and there are many reasons why this could be:
- It’s how he was raised: Yes, there are grown men who have been babied their whole lives, never being expected to step up and take the lead. Children who have never had to take responsibility and have always had someone solve their problems tend to lack ambition as adults.
- Trauma or self-worth issues: Sometimes, when something terrible happens that affects the confidence levels of an individual, they may be too afraid to put themselves out there and stretch for improving their working circumstances. If they are fearful of, or genuinely believe they are not capable of, getting promotions or better jobs, they aren’t likely to even try.
- The curse of the enabler: This may be hard to hear, but if it’s been a couple of years of this same behavior and you’re only expecting change now, you also have to take a hard look at yourself in the mirror – enabling destructive or harmful behaviors makes them so much more difficult to change, and if you’ve allowed it previously, it will take a great deal of effort to work towards changing it now. This also means you need to change, not just your husband.
On the other hand, there is more reason for concern if there has been a sudden shift in recent times towards apathy or lack of interest in improving his job situation. Your once-ambitious husband suddenly doesn’t care anymore.
He seems quite content to repeat the same cycle every day going forward – never trying to expand his knowledge base, improve his experience, or strive for a better position. What could cause this?
Stress & Mental Health
One of the most significant symptoms of mental health issues like depression and anxiety is a lack of interest in the things that once excited you. Apathy or a sense of indifference about your current situation is a severe cause for concern. Has something happened in your husband’s life to cause this?
- The death of a loved one or the sudden loss of a friend can seriously impact your emotional state and the things you once held as important.
- Traumatic events or near-death experiences can leave you unsettled, such as accidents or health scares.
- There’s trouble at work. Has there been a significant shakeup in his work environment that could’ve caused him to change his goals or feel seen over?
- Relationship inequalities. Is there a reason for your husband to feel that he doesn’t need to be ambitious? Have you created an environment where you take full responsibility for everything without expecting more from him?
Why Is A Lack Of Amibition For A New Job A Problem?
While figuring out what caused this is important, this situation’s impact on your relationship is far-reaching. For that reason, it’s also essential to think about why the problem bugs you. Here are some things to consider:
- Are Finances A Problem? Is there additional pressure from financial stressors? Does his lack of ambition create further trouble when it comes to making ends meet? This is incredibly frustrating if you had a plan of action together to improve your financial situation.
- His attitude: It’s challenging to connect with someone who is apathetic towards something. If career goals drive you, it can be extremely frustrating to build a life with someone who feels indifferent. This can most assuredly affect your relationship negatively.
- Future plans: Has your husband’s lack of ambition impacted your five-year plan? Whether the goal was your own or a joint venture, the implications are severe if the idea was to progress towards buying a house, starting a family, or paying off debts.
Being with someone who has no ambition can be highly taxing. It generally points to a set of habits and behaviors that have become ingrained throughout their lifetime or results from specific traumatic events.
In most cases, with guidance from a professional or – at the very least – an honest, supportive conversation with you, you can solve the problem.