The answer to this question lies in the current state of your marriage. There can be several reasons why your wife would want you to have sex with another woman. Some of them may be positive, and some may have a more sinister purpose. Here are a few of the reasons why your wife wants you to sleep with another woman:
- Test your loyalty
- Make divorce easier
- Settlement & custody perks
- Reignite a sexual spark
- A trade for sleeping with another man
- Discovering Polyamory
While many husbands would consider this almost like hitting the jackpot at a casino, it raises some pertinent questions about why the woman you are married to would want you to have sex outside your marriage. It may be to spice up your sex life or could also be a precursor to divorce.
Before you go ahead and give her what she’s asking for, it may be wise to consider some of the reasons behind her request – both positive and negative. Let’s get the negative ones out of the way first.
Related Reading: Husband Wants Me To Sleep With Another Woman, WHY?
6 Reasons Why Your Wife Wants You To Sleep With Another Woman
To start with, let’s explore some of the ‘not-so-kosher’ reasons why your wife would want you to sleep with someone else. In this scenario, we will assume that there are issues with the marriage and an ulterior motive for getting you to sleep with someone else.
1. She Wants to Test Your Loyalty
When a woman is insecure in a relationship, they will often set little ‘tests’ to see if their man is loyal, which could be one of them. By asking you to sleep with another woman, she may be testing your commitment to her.
If you respond with “no baby, I don’t want anyone else” rather than, “sure, who did you have in mind?” That may satisfy her that you wouldn’t do that and may ease or alleviate the insecurity.
However, if your lady is insecure, you need to get to the underlying reasons, as without doing that, these types of tests will continue.
2. She May Want to Divorce You
Why then not simply ask for the divorce? In many cases, the wife may feel that this won’t work as the husband will beg and plead and look for ways to fix the relationship. If it’s got to this point, fixing the marriage may be a long foregone conclusion.
By having you sleep with another woman, she can then justify the break-up and move on. Without reason, she may find it challenging to end the marriage and leave home. Having you engaged in sexual relations with other women – even at her bequest- will justify that you aren’t loyal or committed and thus make it easier to end the marriage.
3. She Wants a More Favorable Settlement and Custody
In a divorce, the goal (sadly) is often to get as much out of the other as possible, and if you the husband are sleeping with other women-even at her request- this would not look favorable in divorce court.
In such circumstances, the wife can paint herself as the victim of infidelity and seek to gain dominant custody of the children and get a better settlement.
In all three situations, the underlying factor is that the marriage has either broken down or is well on its way. The actual decision is whether each cares and loves the other enough to take steps to repair the marriage.
Either way, this type of request should NOT be taken lightly if the prevailing status quo of your marriage is toxic and deteriorating. Proper discussions, marriage counseling, or arbitration should be considered so you DON’T end up on the wrong side of malicious manipulation.
Let’s move now to some positive reasons and options for why your wife would want you to sleep with another woman. In the options below, we assume that the relationship is not under threat and that there is trust and communication.
4. She Is Trying to Get the Sexual Spark Back
After years of marriage, kids, mortgage, work, career, and age, that sexual fire you had when you first met and couldn’t have enough sex with one another may have become an ember.
Suggesting that you have sex with another woman could be that this is a fantasy she has had and would like to see it fulfilled or that it’s just a way to get the conversation about sex flowing again.
While she may not ACTUALLY want you to sleep with someone else, opening the conversation could spark and reignite the chemistry between you two.
5. She May Want to Sleep With Another Man
Like men, many women fantasize about having sex with other men. Now let’s be clear on one thing. Having sexual fantasies is normal. It would be abnormal for people NOT to have them.
What pleasure can she get watching you have sex with another woman outside of seeing your pleasure from it? This may be a way to gradually open you up to the idea of her having sex with another man either while you watch or not.
This small step of her suggesting you sleep with another woman may be the first into a wider world of sexual exploration.
Related Reading: How to Tell if Wife Has Feelings for Someone Else
6. Polyamory and Consensual Non-monogamy
While many people would consider this against the fundamental rules of marriage, a growing community of people believe in and thrive in an arrangement called consensual-non monogamy or polyamory.
This essentially means that there is an understanding between both partners that sexual variety in their relationships is encouraged and done openly, with communication about the experiences between partners or even foursomes and similar activities.
This type of openness only happens in a relationship where there is total trust and love between the partners with no insecurities and both people are open and encouraging about allowing the other to explore sexual experiences outside the confines of the marriage.
After time in a marriage, both partners may feel that the strictly monogamous status quo is not working for them and open discussions about adding more variety to their sex life occur.
Many people feel that being polyamorous in no way detracts or diminishes the love for their partner; it has the opposite effect – it makes their connection more substantial, and if this is going to make the marriage stronger, who wouldn’t want to do that?
There are some arrangements like this where your wife may want to watch you have sex with another woman and have you watch her with another man. Others are done without the other partner being involved directly and regaled with the night’s goings-on before the following day. Not only is this accepted but happily so! As strange as this may sound, we are not socially conditioned to be happy when our partner has a positive sexual encounter with another. Still, this term called compersion is common in polyamorous relationships.
It’s really about understanding that people can have good sex with someone outside the marriage. This is a positive and happy event and helps grow their relationship’s love, respect, and chemistry.
It’s about understanding that where there is open communication and trust, there is the realization that the only stigma around having an open or polyamorous relationship comes from society, and that should never be taken to heart.
Marriage should be a deep, profound commitment between two people, and part of that is knowing, understanding, and respecting your partner’s deeper emotions, desires, and sexual fantasies.
Being in a relationship like that is to experience the true freedom of unconditional love. Still, it takes work, time, and most of all, communication and a genuine interest in the other’s true happiness to make it work.
Related Reading: My Wife Wants To Sleep With Someone Else, Should I Let Her?
If your wife wants you to sleep with another woman, don’t assumingly take that as permission. There would need to be a discussion first before even considering this course of action.
Where there is no malicious intent, you and your wife could find yourselves embarking on an adventure of epic proportions, sexually and personally, and find yourselves with a transformed relationship for life!
After earning his Master of Social Work from the University of Toronto, Stuart gained experience working with families in community mental health settings and in the child protection sector. Since becoming a father himself, Stuart now works in private practice offering psychotherapy services. FatherResource is an opportunity for Stuart to share what he learns on his journey as a father with a larger audience.