Why Does My Wife Never Come Onto Me?

Does your wife never come onto you? Women are generally more reserved when it comes to intimacy due to how they were raised or how they should act according to society. A lower libido could be due to anxiety, stress, depression, health problems, or a lack of physical attraction.

Watching romance movies can be both a guilty pleasure and frustrating. Women on TV are sensual, sexual beings that initiate intimacy and go after what they want, but your reality isn’t so rosy because your woman never comes onto you. You’re probably wondering what the problem is and if you are to blame. Here are some of the reasons why this may be the case.

You can feel really rejected if you believe your partner to not be that into you or showing any kind of physical affection anymore. There are many reasons why your wife may not be coming onto you anymore, and some of them may have to do with you, but most don’t. You’ll have a better understanding of those reasons by the end of this article.

Husband upset with wife in bed because she won't come onto him and instead plays on phone

Related Reading: Why Does My Husband Never Initiate Intimacy

She May Be Tired From Constantly Being Busy

Women often juggle many things all in one go. Work, taking care of their husband and even kids if they have any, not to mention being expected to look put together and not neglect their friends, can and often lead to them feeling burnt out.

When she has had a busy day, all she wants when she gets home after making dinner and cleaning up the house is to just relax and even go to sleep. Even stay-at-home moms have their hands full trying to maintain the household that they often have no desire to engage in anything sexual.

Lending a helping hand and easing her burden would go a long way in helping you in the future. If she feels that you are not helping her out around the house or with the kids, she won’t be in the mood to help you out with your needs because she’ll be fed up and annoyed with you.

She will have most likely made up her mind that you don’t deserve any kind of physical affection because you haven’t made things easier for her. Sometimes, even with the additional help that you provide, she can still feel exhausted and not in the mood. This is where things like vitamins are needed to help boost her energy.

Related Reading: How to Help Your Family With House Work (10 Ways)

Some Men Expect Any Kind of Physical Affection to Lead To More

There is a lot of space for miscommunication because of how men approach physical affection. Most of the time, men show their interest non-verbally, and this can lead to women getting irritated.

Because men have testosterone, they have a higher sex drive and therefore groping, hugging, or caressing can come across as too much for women and make them back off from any kind of physical affection.

Clearly communicating that physical affection does not mean that more will ensure that your wife feels more at ease coming on to you and does not feel any pressure to go further, especially when her sex drive is low.

Guessing or tip-toeing around the issue can be detrimental to your relationship. Women do not like being rushed into things. It isn’t like in the movies.

Hormones Go Out of Balance

Hormone imbalances are very common in women after a certain age due to various reasons. Men don’t have to deal with the different hormones in their bodies and may not understand.

Birth control pills or new medication can throw the natural state of her hormones of balance, leading to her having lower energy and just feeling off and not in the mood for any kind of intimacy. Her sex drive may change after giving birth or going through menopause.

Having an Emotional Connection Is Important

She may not feel emotionally and spiritually connected with you. Consistently communicate your feelings and let her talk about her feelings, and also make her feel loved so that she isn’t wondering if you desire her or not. Women are sexually aroused by emotional proximity, although they can certainly appreciate a good-looking man.

The closer she feels to you emotionally, the closer she’ll want to be physically too, and that’s when she’ll come onto you and initiate physical affection. Women stop being interested in intimacy because it is no longer about intimacy anymore, but just being physical. Letting her know that that is not the case can help in the long run.

Physical Attraction Plays a Big Role

Although women prefer an emotional connection, keeping yourself clean and looking good goes a long way in keeping her attracted to you physically. Make sure to bathe regularly, groom your beard, keep your body looking healthy, etc.

Some women have admitted to losing interest in their partners because of their weight, etc., which can be considered as being shallow, but in the end, women want to feel physically attracted to you to want to jump your bones.

Women may also feel that they are not physically attractive and withdraw into themselves because they feel uncomfortable in their own skin, don’t feel desirable, and automatically assume that you won’t be interested in them either.

How to Change a Relationship That Has No Physical Affection?

  • It is important to talk openly about any doubts you may have in your relationship in order to have a communication path that is open and leaves no room for misunderstandings.
  • Do not blame each other and drive a wedge between you two. Rather look at the situation as us vs. what is preventing us from being physically affectionate and work from there.
  • Going for therapy as a couple could be another great way to work on any deep-seated issues and encourage open communication.
  • Learn your partners’ love language and use it to show affection so that they feel more confident approaching you with more.


The honeymoon phase does not last throughout the years, unfortunately. Keeping your relationship fun with lots of affection takes a lot of work from both parties. Just because you’ve been together for years does not mean that you should stop doing all the things that you were doing when you first got together.

It often means that you have to do them even more.

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