Does your husband never want to do anything with you anymore? Husbands ignore their spouses because of personal problems that they are not ready to talk about or do not want to talk about. Work-related issues can lead to him distancing himself from you. He may feel that his emotional needs are not being met and has found a way to fulfill that need elsewhere.
Although it would be great to always be in a good space with your spouse, that is not always the case, especially when you have been together for a long time. Feeling shut out emotionally and physically by your partner can feel like you are being abandoned. Finding out what the root cause is can help bring back the spark and connection.
It can be difficult to pinpoint why your husband is not interested in doing anything with you as some men have an avoidant personality. Yes, your husband may come around, but often you continue to feel like a stranger to him. Being proactive and getting reasons instead of ignoring it and hoping that everything goes back to normal will work out for the best.
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He Thinks You Want to Control the Way He Spends His Time
Men usually need to feel independent, free, and in control, and because women crave connectivity and one of the ways for that is spending time together, he may feel like you are trying to dictate how he should spend his time.
He may feel like he has no room to exercise his independence just because you want to do things with him. So he starts isolating himself and doing what he wants to regain the control that he feels like he has lost, leaving you feeling abandoned.
It Seems Like You Want All His Time to Yourself
Perhaps both of you are constantly working, or he is constantly at work and rarely gets free time, and you feel neglected and just want to do things with him when he is not at work. So you make plans without asking him what he may want to do with his free time.
At that moment, you’re just thinking about yourself because you’re eager to spend time with him, but he may just want to use that time to relax and watch sports with the boys or have some time to himself to maybe reflect on work-related things.
This makes it look like he does not want to do things with you because he would rather spend his free time elsewhere, and often he stops wanting to do things with you because he has previously spent all his free time with you and is starting to resent that it must always be that way.
It is hard as a woman to not want to spend as much time as you can with him because he may always be busy, but space and time can have the opposite effect and will most likely lead to him feeling happier with how he can control his time, and he will no longer feel obligated but happy and willing to spend time with you.
He Could Feel Like He Can Never Do Anything Right
Your husband may be someone that isn’t skilled in many things and does not enjoy being active. He might not enjoy what you like to do and so does not want any part of it and stops trying because he’ll just end up feeling inadequate and lacking.
People are prone to go back to things that they are good at and where they will feel confident. So he would rather do things that he feels will lead to that feeling of being successful and happy. If he feels like he can be himself around you and not what you expect him to be, he will be happier to spend more time doing things with you.
Things to Do When Your Husband Won’t Spend Time With You
It can be overwhelming trying to figure out how to get your husband to do things with you and just generally be there to spend time with you. The following can help you both find a way out of the trench:
- Find out if anything has changed and if so, get clarity into whether or not the change is real or just something your mind conjured up because of what you may be feeling or going through.
- Set time aside to sit down with him and talk through your feelings and what you think is happening. Explain what you have observed and emphasize the importance of having open communication to avoid misunderstanding but also to find out exactly what’s going on. Make sure to focus on listening and taking the time to comprehend what your partner is saying. Find out what’s driving and motivating that kind of behavior.
- Take the time to both decide what you want to do and where you see your relationship going. Find out if they are willing to work on any issues that were brought up or if he is not interested so that you know where you stand.
- Couples therapy or a marriage counselor can help bring clarity if you cannot settle on a solution or decide on a way forward.
- If you decide to work on your marriage, do so in a way that enables both of you to reconnect and bring back the emotional and physical intimacy so that you feel cherished and loved. Be prepared to both put in the work and effort and constantly keep your communication lines open.
Related Reading: My Husband Keeps Telling Me to Leave
Finding common interests and reconnecting can be a lot of fun. Focus on the things that you can control and adopt a positive outlook when emotionally reconnecting.
Once you have established what the problem is, try finding ways to get busy doing things that you enjoy by yourself or with friends so as to not smother him and appear to be too clingy. The open communication pathway should give you an insight into what he enjoys doing, and you could join him instead of making plans of what you feel like doing with him.