Why Isn’t My Boyfriend Romantic?

When we dream of having a boyfriend, many of us envision him bringing us flowers, taking us out on romantic dates, or cooking us romantic meals. However, many men are not naturally romantic, leaving our expectations in this regard unmet when we finally do get a boyfriend. Why are some of our boyfriends unromantic, and what can we do about it?  

Your boyfriend is likely, not romantic because of how he was raised, as children often grow up to be like their parents. He might also be unromantic due to past experiences where his romantic gestures were not appreciated or because of your failure to communicate your desire for romance.

In the sections below, we will examine how your boyfriend’s upbringing can influence how romantic he is as an adult. We will also look at other possible reasons for the lack of romance and how we can remedy the situation.

Girlfriend holding hand up to boyfriend's face because he's not romantic enough

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Why Do Many Men Tend Not To Be Romantic?

Some factors that contribute to men not being romantic are as follows:

The Way Their Parents Raised Them

One of the most probable reasons many men are not romantic is their upbringing. BRIDES interviewed a psychologist, Dr. Rebecca Bergen, who states that we are first exposed to romantic relationships by our parents.

The kind of relationship our parents have with each other influences how we interact with our partners in romantic relationships later in our lives.

Dr. Bergen explains that how emotionally available parents are will determine the kind of attachment children form.

She states that according to attachment theory, children construct an internal working model of their parents, which they eventually impute as their own sense of self. Therefore, your boyfriend may not be romantic because his father was not romantic with his other parent.

Lack Of Communication From Our Side

Another possible reason your boyfriend may not be romantic is that you may not have communicated this need to him. Our boyfriends often think that if we do not tell them we want them to be romantic, it is not something we desire and not something they need to do.

Negative Past Experiences

Your boyfriend may also be unromantic because of past experiences where his romantic gestures were not appreciated. Many men have stories where their efforts to be romantic backfired, and they were scolded because their partners felt the effort was not good enough.

These past experiences may make him hesitant to try and be romantic again.

What Can We Do To Get Our Boyfriend To Be Romantic?

There are a few things we can try to get our boyfriend to be romantic:

Have A Direct Conversation With Him

One effective way to get your boyfriend to be more romantic is to have a direct conversation with him. If your boyfriend does not know it is something you want, it will likely not happen. Communicate to him that you desire romance in your relationship.  

Surprise Him With Some Romantic Gestures

You could also try to surprise your boyfriend with a few romantic gestures yourself. When he feels how great it is to receive love in this way, it could inspire him to start returning the favor.

Since many men do not know how to be romantic, it is a great way to show them how. It is also good to be specific about what you want him to do. He will appreciate the guidance.

Be Appreciative Of His Efforts

Also, when he is romantic, make sure to show sincere appreciation for his efforts. It will motivate him to do it more regularly. More tips on how to get your boyfriend to be romantic are available on Your Tango.

Continue Reading: Should Your Boyfriend Be Your Best Friend?


Many of us have unromantic boyfriends, and it can be very disappointing. Most men are unromantic due to their upbringing, past experiences, or lack of communication from our side.

There are various ways to get them to be more romantic, such as talking to them about it, being specific about what we want, and being romantic ourselves.

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